29 Questions: B’DAY AMA

“i’m genuinely curious—what celeb IS the best to book dinner reservations under?”

Apropos of nothing, a hilarious photo of Bill DeBlasio/how I looked reading all these questions.

Last week I asked for submissions for an AMA. I had, dare I say, too much birthday last week — answers below!

1. Okay but what chaotic celebrity couple-that-could’ve-been popped into your head when you were brushing your teeth last week? And do you think they would have gotten married? And when would they announce their divorce? Thank you for asking because this is so chaotic: I was brushing my teeth and thought: “What would happen if Timothee Chalamet and Ariana Grande dated?” And, honestly, I don’t know! They wouldn’t get married but I do think it would be a Rihanna-Leo thing where all evidence would be scrubbed from the internet. But due to dating Ariana, Timmy would show up somewhere so random a la Pete Davidson at Aretha Franklin’s funeral.

2. You’ve written so many great celeb profiles. What is the best thing you heard while with them that you didn’t include in the profile? I think there’s a good one every time that, for whatever reason, just doesn’t fit. One that I come back to is that Steven Soderbergh told me he is always kind of working on a book about directing that he doesn’t think he’ll ever publish. I want it so bad!

3. You have the power to re-cast Succession with the Barbie cast and Barbie with the Succession cast; who’s playing who? Succession would star Rhea Perlman as Logan, Michael Cera as Kendall, Margot Robbie as Shiv, Ryan Gosling as Tom, Kingsley Ben-Adir as Greg, Ncuti Gatwa as Roman, John Cena as Connor, Dua Lipa as Willa, America Ferrera as Gerri, Hari Nef as Cyd Peach, Simu Liu as Hugo, Helen Mirren as Lady Caroline. Barbie would star Justine Lupe as Barbie, Alex Skarsgaard as Ken, Jeremy Strong as Allan, Sarah Snook as Gloria, Alan Ruck as the Mattel CEO, Jeannie Berlin as Weird Barbie, Harriet Walter as Ruth, Hope Davis as Midge. (All the other actors would be Barbies/Kens, except for Dasha who wouldn’t be in it.) Brian Cox would narrate. 

4. What’s the craziest thing a celebrity publicist has said to you?