Brian Cox’s Burn Book
The Friday Post.
This is The Friday Post, Hung Up’s weekly roundup of celebrity mess and miscellanea. If you like this kind of thing, why not subscribe?
Finally, some good fucking food: Brian Cox, my favorite gossip, has written a memoir. Hung Up has an exclusive excerpt about an actor you probably know and also can’t stand: “He is the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met,” Cox observes in the book, titled Putting the Rabbit in the Hat. “Do not trust him. He is a fugly slut!”
Okay, so not really. But basically! The Big Issue actually has a roundup of Cox’s most quotable opinions about mostly Hollywood actors: “He’s a nice lad but a bit of a pain in the arse because he fancies himself as a writer-director,” Cox wrote of his 25th Hour co-star Edward Norton. (Please recall Marvel said the same, once upon a time.)
Of Johnny Depp, whom he nearly starred with in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (masterpiece, let’s be brave enough to say it), Cox writes: “Personable though I’m sure he is, is so overblown, so overrated. I mean, Edward Scissorhands. Let’s face it, if you come on with hands like that and pale, scarred-face make-up, you don’t have to do anything. And he didn’t. And subsequently, he’s done even less.”
And of Quentin Tarantino: “I find his work meretricious. It’s all surface. Plot mechanics in place of depth. Style where there should be substance. I walked out of Pulp Fiction…That said, if the phone rang, I’d do it.” Let’s run that last bit back: “That said, if the phone rang, I’d do it.”
There are three types of celebrity memoirs: Those like Sharon Stone’s, which I devour immediately. Those like Brian Cox’s and Katie Couric’s, which are unchecked chaos and I read everything about them that’s ever written. And all the others, which I do not read and do not care about.
For $23.3 Million, You Too Can Run Through Rava Roy’s House
But the wine is extra.
The Tribeca condo featured prominently in the past two episodes of Succession is on the market. Per The Real Deal — and H/T to the Hung Up reader who flagged this! — the five bedroom-four and a half bathroom unit is 6,700 square feet. Trojan horse, daddy issues, and Naomi Pierce gliding in glamorously with takeout not included.
You can read it here. And, as always, if you want a paying subscription but can’t afford it right now, just send me an email.
What you missed on me:
Paying subscribers already know this but: Girl with new job!
Desperately seeking LA facialist and dermatologist recommendations. It’s time for another chemical peel.
John Mulaney and Olivia Munn’s relationship “faces ‘uncertainty,’” sources told Us Weekly. Munn is currently pregnant with Mulaney’s child. Another source told E! they are “still together.” I’m inclined to believe Deuxmoi on this one, and believe that they’ve split.
Meanwhile, the lampshade designer Annamarie Tendler, Mulaney’s ex-wife, is busy posting TikToks of normcore around-the-house life hacks. (The Cut called the TikToks “thriving.” You can make your own judgments.)
Last week, Meghan McCain complained about the toxic working environment and blistering Whoopi Goldberg Okays of The View. Abby Huntsman has rested the “View is toxic” beat from her old frenemy: “I’m never going to write a tell-all book,” Huntsman said on her podcast, I Wish Somebody Told Me, according to Deadline. But, she continued, “you would see people act in ways that were not okay, that was very much part of the toxic environment of The View, and here we were going on the air criticizing others for toxic culture.”
Ice Cube quit a movie — and opted out of a $9 million payday — over getting the vaccine, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
Khloe Kardashian (who is vaccinated) and her daughter True Thompson have both tested positive for COVID, Kardashian announced Friday.
Beyoncé’s husband and private photographer (Jay-Z) was in court this week over some perfume thing, according to Vulture.
Mitt Romney dressed up as Ted Lasso of Ted Lasso — alternately known as “Reba for men who don’t know their history,” and also British people — for Halloween.
Shereé Whitfield, my second favorite Housewife, is returning to Real Housewives of Atlanta! Marlo Hampton will join the new season as a lead, and track star Sanya Richards-Ross is joining the cast too, Bravo announced.
The breakup seems to come on the heels of family discord: On Thursday, TMZ reported that Yolanda Hadid was considering filing a police report accusing Malik of striking her during an argument. After the news broke, Malik posted a lengthy, confusing statement online. It, rather pointedly, did not offer any apologies or deny that an incident occurred.
Later, the singer gave a statement to TMZ saying that he “adamantly” denies striking Yolanda. “For the sake of my daughter I decline to give any further details and I hope that Yolanda will reconsider her false allegations and move towards healing these family issues in private," he continued.
On Friday, People obtained court documents indicating that Malik was charged with four counts of harassment, and pleaded “no contest.” On September 29, the tabloid reports, there was an altercation between Malik and Yolanda where the singer allegedly "grabbed [Yolanda] and shoved her into a dresser, causing mental anguish and physical pain,” and called her a “fucking Dutch slut.” During the incident, he allegedly cursed at and tried to fight Yolanda’s security guard. Gigi was out of town during the altercation; Malik allegedly called her and demanded she defend him to her mother.
No one else is Dune it like these women.
But Actually: They Dune It Again
After Dune made $40.1 million domestically in its opening weekend, Warner Bros. announced it would get a sequel, set for 2023. I finally saw Dune this weekend, and enjoyed it. It is also definitely a movie about (Barb) Timothée Chalamet dreaming about having black friends, and at the end he finds them.
top 99% @mikelledstreetYou: I’m not going to debase myself by going back and forth in the mud with you. Me: https://t.co/uDwEWPUhBt
Also: this interview with Stephen McKinley Henderson is a complete delight!
I had to see this so you do too
N0g Guevara 🇺🇸 @BlackSpetznatzIf Viola Davis had a BBL she'd be top 15
In Good Company
I was featured in the Dimes Square zine The Drunken Canal, sharing a spooky story:
Me zooming in to remember what I said:
And: Hung Up was named one of Esquire’s favorite newsletters. I grew up in a staunchly GQ household, but this is very cool and we are in very good company!
That’s all this week. Thank you for reading! This weekend I will be listening to Ryan Gosling’s spooky band’s spooky music. Happy Halloween to all who celebrate, and happy minding your business to all who don’t — or do begrudgingly, like me. See you Sunday for Succession xx