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A plea to anyone, anywhere: Someone’s gotta fuck this boy. I’m sorry to be indelicate, frank, impolite — but I’m serious. Someone, and I mean quickly, has got to fuck this boy. I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore. Someone has to message him back on Raya, like him back on Bumble, at the very least swindle him on Tinder. If you are a consenting adult of legal age and you see Charlie Puth and he is consenting and you are consenting, please, like, put us all out of our misery.
“Will Somebody Please Break Charlie Puth’s Heart?” I asked in December 2019. My plea has only become more desperate: Can somebody please just get this boy laid? Charlie Puth is always in rollout mode, always about to release something — and I really love his music, so I wish he would! — but this, I’m …
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