This is The Friday Post, Hung Up’s weekly roundup of celebrity mess and miscellanea. If you like this kind of thing, why not subscribe?
Cousins, I fear, are a liability. (They join the company of: husbands, stand-up comedians, and Golden Globes voters.) Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s balls swole up after he cheated on his fiancé, and he told Nicki Minaj’s cousin that it was because of the vaccine, and now she’s antivax. RuPaul and Cory Booker are cousins and … I don’t know, that’s just chaotic. This month, Kim Kardashian’s cousin texted Ye (FKA Kanye West) — in the middle of the couple’s contentious divorce — to ask him about some damn sneakers.
“Is it safe to buy Yeezys on stock x [sic]? Andrew wants beluga’s [sic]” Kim’s cousin wrote. “We love to see you and the kids soon,” she added, ostensibly sensing how bad that looked.
“Don’t ask me about Yeezys right now,” West replied.
Nothing that’s happened this past week has topped “Don’t ask me about Yeezys right now.” Not J.Lo making her return to romantic comedies in Marry Me. (More on that later.) Not Death on the Nile, which I had to see in case I needed to launch Annette Bening’s legal defense. Not even whatever Awkwafina expects to happen in 2024:
Kanye is wrong about so many things — here’s Azealia Banks rightfully pointing out a few! — and the way he has treated Kim lately is pretty despicable IMO. But the cousin asking for Yeezys … the having to say “Don’t ask me about Yeezys right now” … that’s a Marriage Story deleted scene.
And before they text me: my cousins are exempt from this Cousins Are A Liability Doctrine, because they did what cousins are supposed to do and that is let their little cousin (me) watch Love & Basketball when I was too young and told me not to tell my dad.
What Paying Subscribers Got This Week
Oscar nomination snubs, Oscar nomination surprises, me saying Spencer is bad (and I’m right to say it!), and this:
You can read here and subscribe here.
J. Lo is Doing The Most Acting of Her Life in Marry Me
Hustlers was her best performance; Marry Me is her most performance. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this movie. But I can, in good conscience, recommend these screenshots which should tell you everything you need to know:
Be serious! J.Lo is not hitting whatever notes she’s acting like she’s hitting!
Photographic Evidence Emma Roberts Was Once a Child
When Beyoncé wished Emma Roberts happy birthday on Thursday, my fellow baby photo connoisseur shared Roberts’ adult headshot. Beyoncé, the extremely online know, has access to everyone’s baby photo — because she’s Beyoncé — and posts them on their birthdays.
Roberts was once a child and there are apparently readily available photos of her childhood, my friend Jenny pointed out, because somehow Warner Bros. got ahold of one:
Why has Beyoncé broken with her baby pic tradition in this radical way? I cannot say. Maybe she’s back in the studio; more likely someone is OOO. Earlier this week, Beyoncé wished Michael B. Jordan happy birthday, and used what I believe to be just a damn screenshot from The Wire.
The less I say about Michael B. Jordan the better, so I will not be seeking out his baby photos.
A$AP Barcade recorded this verse instead of spending his time rubbing Rihanna’s feet …. And I’m sICK over it …..
Also filed under “ASAP Rocky”: this weekend I learned that Rihanna’s baby father owes my boyfriend $200 and I will be coming to collect!
The Superior Sally Rooney Novel Finally Gets Her Due
This trailer for Hulu’s Conversations with Friends deserved a trailer by Cameron Diaz’s Holiday company, but I will take what I can get. I still wish Nicholas Hoult was cast as Nick, but Taylor Swift’s hot-in-person boyfriend will have to suffice!
Now this is extremely niche but it does bear repeating:
The Bless His Heart Beat
This week, Rihanna: continued serving pregnancy looks.
This week, Leonardo DiCaprio: was “snubbed” for an Oscar nomination, if you consider his work in Don’t Look Up worthy of one. I don’t but … that scene where he is trending for being thirsted after online … imagining a hilarious conversation in the edit bay where he insists that scene be kept in.
Anyway.
Via JJ-Not-Abrams:
That rising star turns out to be: Elvis biopic star and Vanessa Hudges ex, Austin Butler. I don’t care about Butler but I do care about this photo:
“No, I mean I had to do the Spider-Man movie. I have two kids, and they wanted to meet Zendaya.” - Tobey Maguire talking about his triumphant return to the big screen since Molly’s Game (2017).
That’s all this week! Thank you for reading! This weekend I will be seeing Birth at Metrograph and listening to the new Caroline Polachek song that sounds like the House theme.
this is a low-key contender for your best newsletter ever…the cousin disclaimer…the $200 debt…the seamless references…the way you have my typing like I’m your ghostwriter…
His return since Molly’s game 👁👁