I Don’t Consider Myself to Be A Particularly Ethical Person

But Eye Yam Fair. (On 'House of Gucci')

Paolo Gucci’s daughter Patrizia Gucci was wrong to drag Al Pacino, but she was correct to drag Jared Leto: "Horrible, horrible. I still feel offended.”

On Thanksgiving day, I slipped out of one of three (!) family dinners to enter a confessional booth (movie theater) and meet my maker (Lady Gaga and Adam Driver grunting through that fucking sex scene). House of Gucci isn’t necessarily a good movie: It is tonally incoherent, bloated, and curiously accented, but it also has moments of fun, fun, fun.

It is so much movie, which is another way of saying it is so many movies, which is yet another way of saying I’m convinced that every actor in this movie received a different script and a different direction, and that essential incongruity replaces any actual momentum. Here is the movie everyone was told they were making:

Lady Gaga is in Network, and then she is in every Glenn Close movie at once (Stepford Wives, Fatal Attraction, The Wife, AND 101 Dalmatians), and then she gets the Sharon Sto…