What is a ‘West Elm Caleb’
The Friday Post.
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This is The Friday Post, Hung Up’s weekly roundup of celebrity mess and miscellanea. If you like this kind of thing, why not subscribe?
“West Elm Caleb,” a phenomenon currently sweeping the nation, is what happens when girls who grow up watching Sex and the City finally move to New York, without realizing that they fundamentally misunderstood Sex and the City.
First I thought “West Elm Caleb” was a Drag Race competitor. Then I assumed he must be a Bachelorette contestant. And then, unfortunately, I just Googled it: Caleb is, apparently, just a guy on the Upper East Side. He goes out on dates with girls and eventually stops texting them back. Sometimes he goes on two dates in one day, I gather. (Come on, time management!) Sometimes he claims to have deleted Hinge, but hasn’t. (West Elm, meanwhile, is a store where you can buy overpriced mid-century modern-style furniture, and that one coffee table that everyone has a Wayfair knockoff of.) He sucks, but also this sucks:
I was devastated to learn about “west elm caleb,” because that’s 20 minutes of my life I could’ve spent returning this dress I got that was too small, or finding my headphones’ charging cord, or thinking about the earring Bradley Cooper wore during Star is Born screentests, or doing literally anything else with my time.
This is the Sex and the City promise: One day you’re broken up with via post it note and another day Blair Underwood moves into your building and another day you’re making Bobby Cannavale drink green juice and another day you’re getting kicked out of some guy’s parents house for smoking weed and another day you’re taking the Turtle shopping at Helmut Lang! That’s how dating in New York City works. It is horrendous and fun, and worth a made-up Sex Diary on The Cut, not a weird overshare-y TikTok. I’m glad Samantha Jones is not here to see this!
What Paying Subscribers Got This Week
On Dakota Johnson’s absolutely iconic bottle dye job in The Lost Daughter, and more of my Q&A with Adam Nayman about Gone Girl.
Many people are saying this post is a hit:
As always, if you cannot afford a subscription due to the panDemi Moore/Omarion but want to be on the list, please email me!
HRHIC
*Head redhead in charge
I have been incredibly moved — to laughter, in one sense, and tears, in another — by this video of White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki on The View. Sorry but: this woman is out of control. I cannot get enough!
Jessica Chastain, Julianne Moore, Bryce Dallas Howard, Isla Fisher, Nicole Kidman in disguise because technically she saw the script on Reese Witherspoon’s desktop, Emma Stone/Jessica Chastain (only because everything gets sent to them), Rachel McAdams, Lindsay Lohan, and Charlize Theron (still in character from that one Fox News movie that I can’t remember the name of) walk into a room … and only Anne Heche walks out!
*Will also accept Carrie Coon, as Xavier Lopez suggested on Twitter.
News Briefs
Martha Stewart revealed she broke up with Anthony Hopkins because she “couldn't stop thinking of him as Hannibal Lecter." (I, as ever, cannot see past his thotty headshot.) Adele postponed her Las Vegas residency. Hilary Duff told Cosmo that the scrapped Lizzie Mcguire reboot was going to be about Lizzie moving back in with her parents after discovering that her fiance was cheating on her. Staten Island’s Prodigal Sons — punchable face Colin Jost and Aretha Franklin funeral attendee Pete Davidson (no I will never get over it) — bought a decommissioned city ferry. Bill Hader is dating a, some would say, “scrappy little nobody” born on August 9 who is stunningly not me.
Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra welcomed a baby, via surrogate. Someone hired Johnny Depp. Ellen lost another job. Justin Bieber wore this hat:
Puth Puth Pass
I waited five months for Charlie Puth to release this song “Lightswitch,” and that’s the last time I will wait for a man who is not Roger Deakins to do anything. But I am, rather improbably, a big Charlie Puth fan. “Lightswitch,” unfortunately, does nothing for me except cut Billy Blanks (Tae-Bo tots lemme hear you make some noise!) a check. It is not “Empty Cups.” it is no “Attention.”
Listening to “Lightswitch,” as I have several times today, I am reminded of words from Yung Miami: “maybe it gotta grow on yall idk 😭”
Yet Another Thing That Is Don’t Look Up-Adjacent Has Out-Performed Don’t Look Up
According to me.
Previously it was: Adam McKay and Will Ferrell’s friendship breakup. Today it is: Ariana Grande and Jennifer Lawrence texting one another during this junket interview.
A White Girl In Michigan is About to Get “Feral Joy” Tattoo'd
And white people have not been the same since!
“There’s something really sexy about Scrooge McDuck”
Chloe Sevigny had the only rational response to the news that Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet are consciously uncoupling: shooting her shot!
The Bless His Heart Beat
Presented without context:
That’s all this week. Thank you for reading! This weekend I will be watching two Altman movies — Nashville and Short Cuts — for the first time now that I have a Blu-Ray player lmao!!
A BLU RAY PLAYER
Nashville is great! Shelley Duvall what