Justin Timberlake: “I’m Bringing Shawshank Back”

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🚨 Emergency edition 🚨 There is also a chat in the Substack app about Couples Therapy Season 4.

Justin Timberlake’s mugshot. Photo: Sag Harbor Police Department.

What if I told you getting arrested in Sag Harbor, New York on DWI-related charges was actually the second worst thing that happened to Justin Timberlake early Tuesday morning?

After dinner with friends in the Hamptons on Monday night, local police pulled over Timberlake after observing his gray 2025 BMW run a stop sign and drifting out of his lane, per the New York Times. The musician’s eyes were “bloodshot and glassy” eyes there was a “strong odor” of alcohol on his breath. But the police were also, reportedly, kinda waiting on him at the do’: Timberlake was at the American Hotel “with a bunch of friends” and “there were cops stationed outside where he was having dinner,” sources told Page Six, along other flattering details like JT didn’t have any “entitlement” about the arrest.

Drunk driving is such a scummy, evil thing to do. But the details of this arrest seemed quite straightforward until Page Six posted a detail that brought me to my knees. When Timberlake was pulled over, he took a field sobriety test but declined a breathalyzer test. Bad, but not nuclear — until Page Six ran this one little detail:

I know it’s ACAB, I know it’s fuck the police, I know New York City has a cop mayor, I know we need to defund the carceral state, I know Mariah is skinny  … but this one little cop ate this one little thing.