My Compliments to the Chef: Anthony Hopkins’s Thot Headshot
The Friday Post.
This is The Friday Post, Hung Up’s weekly roundup of celebrity mess and miscellanea. If you like this kind of thing, why not subscribe? Also: this post is too long for email, so consider reading it on-site.
I, as devoted Hung Up readers will recall, am obsessed with men demonstrably interested in their own vanity. A lie people like to tell is that only women care about looking good, or only women fuss over their presentation. That is simply not true. Men, even in their current flop era, are just as vain. Men act like they do not care about looking — or being — beautiful; too many male performers equate making an effort to escape their beauty with Good Acting. (Angelica Jade Bastién’s 2016 essay on method acting was incredibly precise about this.) My favorite interview I’ve ever done was with Ve Neill, Bradley Cooper’s makeup artist for A Star Is Born, a movie where he is famously 40% hotter than he has ever been in real life.
That little bit of pomp and circumstance, Bradley Cooper’s awareness of his own propensity for beauty, is so fascinating to me. To a different extent, it’s: Jeremy Strong wearing brown, Timothée Chalamet’s bejeweled harness, Kanye saying, “Do you see this coat,” Teddy Pendergrass’s whole essence, a group of boys walking around Dimes Square with their Online Ceramics hoodies just so. I think this interest comes from reading and rereading the collection of GQs that still sit on my dad’s coffee table, but who knows.
Much of the last week was devoted to my favorite new example of this: Anthony Hopkins’s headshot. Hunter, you’re thinking. A headshot is a headshot is a headshot. I’m so sorry to tell you that you are wrong. Anthony Hopkins’s headshot is so specifically something — maybe handsome, but more importantly serving and knows he’s serving. For several days I just could not stop thinking about it. I have nothing else to write about this week, so here’s an oral history of those days.
A lot of things happened at the Oscars, and people smarter and more thoughtful than I am have gone long on them. Alas: The part of the Oscars that I cannot stop thinking about, the part of the Oscars that simply no one is talking about is Anthony Hopkins’s headshot.
The Best Actor Award is saved for the end, and Joaquin Phoenix steps on stage to mumble some intro to the final award of the night. (No, I cannot remember what he said exactly, but I did tense up at the tone of his voice, which can only be described as: Social studies teacher announcing to the school dance that they found a bottle of whiskey in the bathroom and because of one person’s individual action, the entire dance is being shut down, so call your parents and tell them to come pick you up.)
Phoenix opens the envelope and announces that Anthony Hopkins has won his second Oscar. Hopkins, of course, is in bed. (Relatable.) He was also, of course, not allowed to Zoom into the ceremony. Instead, his headshot flashes across the screen and the entire show ends, and suddenly I’m 10 minutes into a local news broadcast.
This is Anthony Hopkins’s headshot:
A lot of men think they are giving what the Anthony Hopkins headshot gives. It’s giving me: Martha Stewart pool selfie. It’s giving me: that feeling you get when you’re out shopping and try on something in a dressing room and can’t help but start dancing in the mirror because it just looks and feels so good. Maybe only I do that. But that is a feeling I spend my entire life chasing. I know it when I see it.
I — fortunately for some people, I guess, and unfortunately for others — have a curious mind. Anthony Hopkins’s headshot — how did it get here? Where did it come from? Has he always had it? Who took it? Did the person who captured this image know its power? The mind reels.
I texted some friends:
Said friends weighed in on this important matter:
I spend an entire hour going through Anthony Hopkins’s entire Instagram and Facebook, trying to look for any kind of photo credit. A lot of people, I decide, do not want me to talk about the Anthony Hopkins headshot. But thot pics, like democracy, die in darkness, so yes, I will indeed continue talking about it.
At 2:08 p.m. I tweet this:
At 5:04 p.m. I post this on Instagram:
Do I feel held by the Anthony Hopkins thot headshot? Does the Anthony Hopkins thot headshot feel like home to me? The answer to both is yes.
I return to combing through Anthony Hopkins’s every social media platform. He uses this thot headshot for everything, I realize: It’s his profile picture across every social media platform, he used it for the Oscars, he used it for his album cover. I find this very personally relatable, as there are exactly two perfect photos of me that fully capture my essence, and I use them for everything.
Now it’s becoming a game. I just need to know. My apologies, but spiritually — legally — I have to get to the bottom of this. It is my Number 23 (no I didn’t see that movie). Anthony Hopkins has a website. The website prominently displays the headshot. I write a brief inquiry on this important matter:
I have not received a reply. Once again, I am left empty-handed after attempting to solve a mystery. I am no closer to finding the photographer responsible for this image, unfortunately. But I have concluded that Anthony Hopkins did send that thot headshot on purpose, that he was giving the girls something to talk about, that he indeed knows his angles. And that, devoted reader, is enough for me.
Relationship status updates
- Katie Holmes and Emilio Vitolo, who is sometimes known as Pasta Gordon-Levitt, or something, might not be together anymore. This is a shame because watching their relationship blossom via DeuxMoi (pre-flop era) was one of my joys last September. “They’ve agreed to give each other space,” an “insider” told Us Weekly. “They both have a lot of commitments piling up.”
- Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez were spotted having dinner together, a spy told Page Six. Rodriguez has been posting photos of his revenge bod. Lopez and her nude lipgloss collection and the green Versace gown have obviously not been reading this newsletter.
- …Or have they, because something I think about a lot is that it would be so easy for Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck to get back together. She is single. He is single. And he has been thinking about her a lot lately (giving a secondary interview for her InStyle cover, randomly reflecting on the sexism and racism she experienced during their relationship on a Hollywood Reporter podcast). Hung Up, institutionally, is a pro-Bennifer newsletter because this is a pro-drama and pro-Positive Attitude Hunting newsletter. (“Positive Attitude Hunting,” if you’ll recall, is the name of Ben Affleck’s finsta.) Anyway:
Minutes ago — and I mean literally as I was about to press send on this newsletter and begin my weekend — Page Six reported that Lopez and Affleck have “been spending time together in Los Angeles.”
To this I say: fjkdal;fjdla;fjdklafjdlka;fjdklas;fjdksl;fjdska;lfjdkl;fjdkla;fjdlka;fjkla!
This is a developing story, ideally with more developments to come during my regular business hours.
What paid subscribers got this week:
I have become obsessed with The View. My daily schedule of getting up and seizing the day at 8:30 a.m. or starting the day with a movie and staying in bed until 12:30 p.m. — there is not really an in-between — does not accommodate watching the show live, but I eagerly eat up every clip that goes viral on Twitter. It is such a pandemic fascination for me: The View is not a show I’d expect to be must-see TV right now, but can you tell me that Whoopi saying “Okay” didn’t revive your spirit?
Ramin Setoodeh, Variety executive editor and friend of Hung Up, wrote a best-selling book about The View. (If there is a View-loving woman in your life, consider it as a Mother’s Day gift — I gave it to my aunt upon release, and she is still talking about it.) In Tuesday’s letter, we had a long conversation about the show’s revived power, what it would look like if Whoopi left, and what, fundamentally, Barbara Walters misunderstood about the show. Ramin also made a great point about The View as an important show about fame: “The View’s original producer, Bill Getty, said something to me that I thought about a lot as I was writing the book, when you hear stories about conflict backstage: He always said that when you read articles in the press, it was always about women fighting other women,” he told me. “But really it’s about famous people, and the strangeness of famous people having to share — literally and metaphorically — one table.”
Ramin’s book is also being adapted into a miniseries, and we discussed his chaotic fantasy cast:
To read the rest, you can subscribe here.
The takeaway here is that Ellen, I will call Dakota Johnson if we need to take it there.
Gwyneth Paltrow is the new “well-being advisor” for Celebrity Cruise Lines. “My team @goop is curating programming and fitness kits to add to Celebrity’s wellness the [sic] experience. I’m sworn to secrecy on the rest—keep an eye out for the details coming soon.” I like this line because how much more “the rest” can there be?
Spotted: Gossip Girl is coming back in July. I will have dinner at Butter to celebrate.
Cosmopolitan @CosmopolitanSPOTTED: the cast of #GossipGirl 2.0—aka our May/June cover stars! The Upper East Side’s latest *It* Crew is giving us an exclusive first look into the highly anticipated @hbomax show, their wild filming experiences, and their tight friendship off camera: https://t.co/Al83nSCgp4 https://t.co/ODeB3V5wKx
I actually do not have words to describe the way my body tensed up when I saw this specific tweet. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but a way nonetheless:
Film Updates @TheFilmUpdatesThe poster for Christoph Waltz’s directorial debut #Georgetown starring Waltz himself, Vanessa Redgrave and Annette Bening. The film will be released on May 18. https://t.co/OBEvigoCAE
Also — did you remember that Christoph Waltz has two Oscars?
My new aspiration in life is that Daily Mail will one day call me “notoriously private.”
Not that anyone asked, but: This is my favorite song right now. Inasmuch as any version of “Feel Like Makin’ Love” is a perfect song, this Gladys Knight & The Pips is so slinky and sexy.
Something I think about a lot is that Billy Crudup might be the only man in Hollywood whose career was derailed by blowing up his marriage. (I am open to being corrected here if there’s someone major I’m forgetting!) Anyway:
Martin Scorsese Glasses Update:
He has them, but is not wearing them. My investigation remains ongoing.
This week Town & Country published an interview I did with Barry Jenkins and Colson Whitehead about The Underground Railroad.
The Underground Railroad will premiere on Amazon Prime May 14.
The Bless His Heart Beat
A recurring section about a star-crossed love: Leonardo DiCaprio having a crush on Rihanna, and Rihanna simply declining to text him back. To this I say: bless his heart.
One thing about Leonardo DiCaprio is that he is consistent. Is it a coincidence that he has chosen to come for Mads Mikkelsen, one of the few men Rihanna has publicly claimed? I don’t think so 😇
Meanwhile, Rihanna is: wearing good jeans. Leo is: in Pawhuska, Oklahoma, eating pizza.
That’s it this week! Thank you for reading. This weekend I am getting my second vaccine shot. Lately, I’ve been thinking about revisiting First Man — do not ask me why — but I almost certainly will not because I have simply fallen asleep during every space movie I have ever watched, with the exception of Alien. Have a good weekend!