He somehow always has some puttering around to do, but his home is never clean and no task is ever finished. His clothes are wrinkled — wrinkled in too much way, like did you just roll around on the carpet before you set out about your day — and curiously stained. He has a job, but begrudgingly, like he both needs something to do but also needs to be left alone. In every photo he’s wearing sunglasses, sunglasses on top of sunglasses even, just to avoid every decision. Do not talk to this man! Do not let him near a microphone of any kind! Every conversation will last twenty minutes too long, and he’ll fill space with vague, broad statements said in the shape of a question but not exactly a question. (“I haven’t been to Chicago in a long time” or “I don’t really understand Pete Davidson.”) What I’m saying is: You know a divorced man when you see one.
Hollywood has plenty of divorced men running around — Kanye West, Tom Brady, Justin Timberlake, too, who acts divorced and probably should be — but the D-team has recruited another leading man: Kevin Constner. The actor’s wife, Christine Costner, filed for divorce this week after 18 years of marriage. “It is with great sadness that circumstances beyond his control have transpired which have resulted in Mr. Costner having to participate in a dissolution of marriage action,” Costner's rep told ET on Monday. “We ask that his, Christine’s and their children’s privacy be respected as they navigate this difficult time."
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“Circumstances beyond his control” … “participate in a dissolution of marriage action” … one more time … “a dissolution of marriage action.” The word “transpired” is dark magic, only trotted out when you want someone dead. Worse than the duel of two divorce announcements, it turns out, is a terse, impersonal publicist statement that doesn’t even nod to the many other years of happiness, a few years of bland cohabitation until, ultimately, she was tired of him.
Costner himself seems like an exhausting personality: I think about his random side note about kissing Whitney Houston in this Vulture Q&A once a month. The Slap happened and Costner ignored the teleprompter to go rogue and talk about the afternoon he watched How The West Was Won. He has been quiet quitting Yellowstone, and that exit was finally announced this week. That divorce is divorcing.
Taylor Swift Kissing the Kissing Man
Less than a month after Joe Alwyn lost his job in a layoff of one, it appears that Taylor Swift has found a replacement for her erstwhile muse: Could it be … Matty Healy? The Sun says so: “[Swift] and Matty are madly in love. It’s super-early days, but it feels right. They first dated, very briefly, almost ten years ago but timings just didn’t work out,” a source close to the “Dress” singer told the tabloid.
Healy is the frontman of the extremely mid British band the 1975; he is always in the news for sucking on people’s fingers or sucking on people’s tongues during the band’s shows. (Community dick? Community lips!) He also has a face that looks like an italicized question mark. The Sun is not a reliable source but these two are obviously close: Swift premiered the Midnights song “Anti-Hero” at a 1975 show.
Last month Hung Up (and) bravely asked the question “Who Should Taylor Swift Date Next?” and … can she come up with something else!
Congratulations to Hung Up reader Miriam Ritchie who called this! What did you know and when did you know it …
The Mothering is off the charts:
On Monday night I sat in front of my TV, clown makeup on, watching Derek Blasberg and Chloe Fineman “vamp” for untold hours, patiently waiting for Rihanna to show up. No I don’t care about Karl Lagerfeld; the Met Gala is Rihanna’s party, and it is Rihanna we annually celebrate.
She also brought that man, who jumped not over or around but through the crowd of fans and onlookers outside the Mark Hotel to meet her upstairs.
I won’t say any names but a lot of people relied on a dramatic train to manufacture a fashion moment and it did not work. We need a moratorium on trains until some people figure it out.
The Ugly: Y’all, for saying Nicki finally showed up to the carpet.
That’s all this week! Thank you for reading. I realized recently that I didn’t devote any space in last week’s letter to Sofia Richie’s wedding and that’s exactly what it deserved — never in human history has a wedding been so shoved down the throats of the American public. Anyway! See you Sunday for Succession!
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No one outside of this beautiful community gets it when I loudly proclaim that I CALLED IT so this recognition means everything. Thank you.
“has a face that looks like an italicized question mark” PLS 💀