This is The Friday Post, Hung Up’s weekly roundup of celebrity mess and miscellanea. If you like this kind of thing, why not subscribe?
There is more pressing news this week, which I will get to later. The only thing moving my spirit, however, is : Bennifer in Venice. Just when I’m in the middle of my annual post-summer depression, thinking about how much I miss this couple’s very Leo, very summer shenanigans … they pop up at the premiere of The Last Duel!
There is no deep and important observation here other than: they are my lifeblood and I need new pics of them to keep going.
Baby Mamas
Who isn’t pregnant this week? Everyone in Hollywood is pregnant, was pregnant, has just announced their pregnancy. (While I am lukewarm on the topic of babies — the last person who needs another lil me running around is, coincidentally, me — devoted Hung Up readers will recall that I am extremely pro baby pics.) Here is a list, because I’m sure you have lost track:
John Mulaney and Olivia Munn are having a baby together. "Olivia and this baby have helped save me from myself in this early journey out of recovery," Mulaney told Seth Meyers. Not everyone is buying their romance timeline, Page Six reports. The couple has decided to not learn/not share the sex of the baby yet.
(A buried lede in all of this is that Seth Meyers’s tan is really hot.)
Oscar winner Alicia Vikander and husband Michael Fassbender, formerly simply cradling a baby, are now confirmed as having birthed a baby. People says Vikander is “keeping the finer details to herself, but doing her best to live in the moment with each new milestone.”
Jenna Maroney — and by “Jenna Maroney” I mean Jennifer Lawrence — is pregnant! I don’t talk about this enough, but the Red Sparrow era really endeared her to me. The father is Cooke Maroney. The baby will be the couple’s first.
Kylie Jenner is also pregnant. The baby will be her second with Travis Scott. I am cynical, but I do feel like a lot of these announcements came on the heels of hers — being the fourth most-blogged baby announcement might be ideal to people who really value their privacy.
Hilaria Baldwin/Hillary Baldwin continues to have six children. They are all, presumably, white.
Leonardo DiCaprio is not pregnant but sources have told me he recently purchased a house in my hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Congratulations to all!
Hung Up, institutionally, is pro-divorce. But sometimes a wedding so stunning, so moving, so beautiful comes across my desk (the full-sized bed where I write most of this newsletter) that I have to give it up for a minute and appreciate that the institution of marriage is sometimes worth it: The model Jasmine Tookes married some guy from Snapchat. The wedding was the most gorgeous I have ever seen!
And on Beyoncé’s birthday no less!
None of you can make me Google what parasocial means! Anyway: let’s keep this newsletter moving.
CBS is starting a “competition series” about “activism.” Usher, Priyanka Chopra, and Julianne Hough will host. “Activists go head-to-head in challenges to promote their causes, with their success measured via online engagement, social metrics, and hosts’ input,” Deadline reported/copied and pasted from a press release. “The three teams have one ultimate goal: to create impactful movements that amplify their message, drive action, and advance them to the G20 Summit in Rome, Italy.”
There is an Ush Bucks joke to be made here but I have spent two days about it and can’t come up with one. I wish all of the contestants a happy late stage capitalism!
If You Did Not Mainline Oprah and Gayle’s Roadtrip After School in the Year 2006 Keep Scrolling
They’re doing it again! Thank you to my friend/former intern boss Joseph Zambrano for willing this into existence.
Why Did Nicki Minaj Pull Out of the VMAs?
Nicki Minaj has canceled her unannounced appearance at the VMAs, via Twitter:
jaylend ᴺᴹ 🧚🏽 @jaylendmaraj
are you performing at the VMAs ?????? #barBIA ☝🏽😌 A MAYBE IS OKAY TOO @NICKIMINAJ“She announced her sudden departure the same day that her husband Kenneth Petty, 43, pleaded guilty to failing to register as a sex offender in California,” the Daily Mail observed. People on Twitter seem to be theorizing that pulling out of the VMAs was about avoiding being served court papers.
Charlie Puth’s album is 89 percent done, according to Charlie Puth.
Stream “Empty Cups” for clear skin!
Matt Damon is on the cover of October’s GQ. He is wearing the Bradley Cooper-in-A Star Is Born tan. The Botox/photo editing here is something Hung Up has decided not to comment on.
In the profile, which I just skimmed because there’s only so much Matt Damon I can stand, he is talking about Good Will Hunting for some reason. He also describes having a finsta to post family photos. Vulture’s illustrious/beautiful/talented Zoe Haylock found the actor’s finsta in under ten minutes.
Based on the 15 minutes I spent checking: Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, DaBaby, and a bunch of other people who came to my mind around 11 am on Wednesday morning were not following him from their main accounts. This could mean one of two things:
All those people have finstas too, and are presumably following him from those accounts.
All those people wonder when he will recover from his disease of never shutting the fuck up.
An issue with point number one is that Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts simply post too many grainy photos to not be running their own accounts. And an issue with number two is that I am biased because that is obviously how I feel.
I know that a lot of you have found this video inspiring/endearing but it’s giving me: late night Raya DM. It’s giving me: trying to find a 20-something girlfriend and making jokes about TikTok at Union Pool. I’m sorry!
This is The New “Imagine” Video
A truly random collection of people, Jennifer Hudson, and White Hollywood Queen Reese Witherspoon wished Beyoncé a happy birthday this week. This incredibly uncomfortable two minutes and 17 seconds is brought to you courtesy of Harper’s Bazaar.
v @ViralMaterial
https://t.co/CGEcReEhRUIf anyone would like to anonymously forward me whatever the initial ask was for this project, I would be very grateful. “Request from Harper’s Bazaar: Ed Sheeran / Beyoncé Happy Birthday Video?” is a galaxy brain email subject hed!
Meryl Streep’s Next Role: Mark Ronson’s Mother In Law
Ronson married Grace Gummer, Streep’s middle daughter. I have no opinions about this, just sharing the news.
Sorry this just made me laugh. Johnny Depp, if you’ll recall, is terrible!
Ansel Elgort, who has a movie to promote in three months and just wrapped an HBO series, was spotted for the first time since denying an allegation of sexual assault.
The actor Michael K. Williams died on September 6. He was 54. This one really hurts — what a man! What a career! I interviewed him at a party once and he was the most lovely, interesting, exciting person to talk to. You should read this:
I’m not sure how you’d expect the Dear Evan Hansen movie to be good but in case you did: I am so sorry to show you these hilarious tweets out of the Toronto International Film Festival, where it just premiered:
While we’re here, I am thinking fondly of my favorite memory from TIFF 2019:
That’s all this week! Thank you for reading. This weekend I am watching 25th Hour at the Museum of the Moving Image!
Is matt damon the most divorced man to never physically divorce someone
This was a top 5 Hung Up. 💜