Signing a Stan Disarmament Treaty

The Friday Post.

I’m With Her: Selena Gomez and Kuma Theroux, I mean. Also pictured: Justin Theroux. (Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for CNN)

I long for the days of real drama — truly nutty, petty shit. Edward Norton getting fired from Marvel because he was annoying. Ben Affleck and the nanny. Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen testicles. Rihanna telling Diplo his music sounds like something you’d hear in an airport. George Clooney saying Leo hangs out with losers. A Wikipedia page that has a section dedicated to “Controversies!” So, yeah, idk: the Hailey Bieber-Selena Gomez is not doing a lot for me.

If you’d like a rundown of every diss lodged back and forth between Gomez and Bieber in the last month, here’s a good one. Otherwise: after a long history of drama, the latest is a series of vague TikTok comments and denials that I’d think this is entirely stan-manufactured drama except for the fact that everyone involved has been through this enough to know by now that their every punctuation mark a…