Seven Ways To End Succession

Stupid predictions, wild guesses, maybe just fan fiction actually.

My man, my man, my mannnn!!!! Photo: Screenshot.

Physically I am sitting in Brooklyn, New York eating Mi Niña tortilla chips, but spiritually I am laying down in front of a black SUV stopping Jesse Armstrong from leaving wherever he is until there is more Succession. How will I handle the series finale on Sunday? With my special Succession Is Over playlist, which is fully just the FKA Twigs song “Cellophane” 12 times on a loop. (And didn't I do it for you? Why don't I do it for you? Why won't you do it for me? When all I do is for you?)

In the meantime, though, why not make some wild guesses about what the finale has in store? I did nearly correctly predict The White Lotus’s second season ending, but I have no idea how Succession will end. Maybe there will be a dance sequence, maybe there will be another death, maybe Tabitha will come back! (I hope Tabitha comes back.) Anyway: some predictions.

1. Max-ed Out

On Sunday night we all gather our food and drinks and blazers and scars from playing Boar on the Floor to turn on the new HBO-meets-Discovery app “Max,” but the landing page is stuck on this season’s poster. A wheel of some sort spins on and off. “To everyone who stayed up late, woke up early, gave up their Sunday afternoon… we are incredibly sorry that the Love is Blind Live Reunion Succession finale did not turn out as we had planned,” Max tweets. “We're filming it now and we'll have it on Max as soon as humanly possible!” A fitting ending to Succession: not with a bang with the whimper of real life corporate incompetence.

2. Time Jump