The Concept of Drake Reaching for A Contour Stick to Color In Some Abs

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More from Hung Up this week: Chats about Love Island USA and the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives reunion. New Orleans: Peyton and I are at Essence Fest this weekend!

“Let your core audience stomach that, then tell ‘em where you get your abs from…” - Kendrick Lamar, “euphoria”

It gives me no pleasure to admit that “Nokia” is kind of the shoo-in summer anthem. Cheery, repetitive, four quadrant appeal, a built in corn-tastic call and response: Where the fuck the functionnn? Drake returns to his roots on “Nokia,” that is to say he’s remembered that at his best, he makes music for women to dance to in the club.

But how is Drake actually spending his summer? He is putting on his legal action wig (his lawsuit against Universal Music Group finally had its first day in court on Monday in front of U.S. District Judge Jeannette Vargas, per the AP). I’m assuming he also voted from multiple burner phones for Andreina to be dumped from the Love Island USA villa because how can he beg her to be on some damn interlude if she doesn’t have access to her phone in Fiji? I know where he is: a den-bar with the wood paneling of a Hyatt convention center hotel, drinking apparently a lot of St‑Germain. I know where he’s not: The gym.

“I’m wide awake for the nights that separate the type who get to it til they get it right from the type who just …type,” he captioned a photo of himself flexing in a mirror. I don’t like the way that TV behind him is mounted, I don’t like the way those snack bags to the far right are displayed, I don’t like the way that mirror is etched with some type of design that resembles Wolverine’s claws or tiger stripes. And speaking of etching: Only the most severe astigmatism would see those abs as anything other than the work of a Westman Atelier Cream Contour Stick.