Trump is Serving Nothing But Time
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Trump is Serving Nothing But Time
The Friday Post.
There were only a few ways the Donald Trump mugshot could go: Would he go with a demure grin, the taunting smize of 2000s celebutantes? Or would he strike his familiar pose, his presidential headshot, squinting and threatening? Or would he try to pull off a grin?
The bad president-good tweeter surrendered to authorities at the Fulton County jail in Atlanta on Thursday, on charges that he illegally schemed to overthrow the 2020 election in Georgia. I couldn’t wait for the mugshot. I kept saying it aloud: “I can’t wait for the mugshot.” “When do you think the mugshot is gonna drop?” “I should set an alarm for the mugshot.” The mugshot propelled me through Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and even Thursday. I smiled through my silly little tasks. We have so much to look forward to. The mugshot is near!
The mugshot, it turns out, is not as funny as when Trump, beset with covid, tried to stifle a cough that one time. His face is in that familiar baby-ish (potentially derogatory to babies; if any are reading this I’m sorry!) scowl. His face looks a little slimmer than usual, but even my not doing math-ass can guffaw at him self-reporting his weight as 215 pounds. Now I don’t know much about algebra but I know a lot about lying: Armie Hammer was 6’5” and 220 in The Social Network!
But the photo (or, God, the tweetstorm) I would most like to see is Trump seeing the mug shots of his co-conspirators and seeing that he got washed. Trump’s mugshot lands somewhere near the bottom in the middle of his co-defendants. He didn’t even crack my top five!
Cathy Latham
This is what Ben Kingsley was talking about in Shutter Island when he said it’s as if Emily Mortimer evaporated straight through the walls. The overexposure, the lipstick, the boo! look in this lady’s eyes. My compliments to the art director.
Harrison Floyd
Harrison Floyd has cast himself as a righteous man. I swear to god he was studying Martin Schoeller’s Obama portrait in the bathroom mirror. The slightly raised chin in a sort of superhero pose, the squinted eyes, blinded by their own honesty, the blue button down and blazer. A genius concept, but an imperfect execution of the form.
Ray Smith
So many things — a hundred small, almost imperceptible mistakes — have brought us this image. The dye job. The scowl. The polo. I do think this one relies too much on the dull, droll expression.
Robert Cheeley
There are lot of elements in this image to contend with — a plaid shirt?? — but there is a certain Rankin/Bass productions-sized hole in my heart for a face that it so cartoonishly indignant. This is the one that really puts Trump’s scowl to shame.
Kenneth Cheseboro
No, I’m sorry, I love it. This is what it means to emote. This is acting. This photo says “Have you taken it yet?” It’s perfect. It’s exactly what this election fraud scheme was in real time: organized crime by fundamentally disorganized people. This is really a gift — mostly to The Comeback actor Damian Young, but to the rest of us as well.
A Song You’ll Only Understand If You’re On God’s Timing, Not Your Own
After seeing the 19th flier screaming “SINGLE SOON” (with tear-offs inscribed with phone numbers, naturally), I couldn’t help but wonder: Now what in the hell … Andrew, walking with me, suggested it was some kind of “stupid agency ad for a start-up begging to go viral.” Not-not true: these flyers were promoting a Selena Gomez song.
I have been a Selenator since “Love You Like A Love Song,” a song with untold powers. I feel about “LYLALS” in the key of Tyrell Hampton’s tweet about Katy Perry: “Teenage Dream isn’t a Katy Perry song, she was a vessel for God in that recording studio. Why he chose her I don’t know but it’s not my place to question it.” Selena Gomez is average in every single way (and even, perhaps, a mid-to-bad vocalist), except for the fact that every song she makes is perfect. She is a graduate of the Ally Maine school of improbable earworms, Jocelyn-from-The Idol tried and failed to capture that particular magic. No one is touching “Fetish.” You’re not putting a finger on “Bad Liar.” “Revival” has been certified gold in this house. (Devoted Hung Up readers will recall that I regularly pair my Rare lip liner and my Rhode peptide lip treatment.)
“Single Soon” is exactly what I want from a Selena Gomez song: lusciously everything and deliriously nothing! This is a song for a Netflix YA series and the too-loud bar of your nearest SoHo house. This is a song for the bachelorette you’re really not sure why you were invited to. This is a song for when your waxer tells you “Ok now quick exhale.” And I love it!
It has been nearly a year since Leonardo DiCaprio and Gigi Hadid started being photographed together — and doing nothing else, I can assure you — and it finally seems like the jig is up. Leonardo DiCaprio went back to the women-under-25-well: This week, Leo got iced coffee and ice cream with a 25-year-old named Vittoria Ceretti. “The two appeared deep in conversation as they walked out of the ice cream parlor while finishing their sweets,” Page Six reported.
Ceretti is married (?), and also friends with Hadid. (Hadid is/was also friends with his ex, Daisy Jones and The Six’s Cami Morrone.) This man is getting passed around this friend group like a joint.
“Looking at my ring ring”
Can you believe it has been one year since Bennifer’s fifty-leven wedding celebrations? Mrs. Jennifer Affleck memorialized their anniversary on Instagram:
“Dear Ben,” she began. “Sitting here alone / looking at my ring ring / Feeling overwhelmed / It makes me wanna sing sing.” (Sing Sing is a prison, mind you.) “How did we end up here / Without a rewind / Oh my / This is my life…”
I will be generous and assume those are song lyrics, and leave it at that.
That’s all this week! Thank you for reading. Today is Blake Lively’s birthday, and I personally think about these gifs from her wannabe Goop all the time. Have a good weekend!
Trump is Serving Nothing But Time
If you watch that Selena Gomez video on mute, most of it looks EXACTLY like a pharma ad for a very cool new SSRI!
The “bad president” link - you got my ass💀😭