What Have You Done This Week to Stop Jared Leto from Winning His Second Oscar?
The Friday Post.
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This is The Friday Post, Hung Up’s weekly roundup of celebrity mess and miscellanea. If you like this kind of thing, why not subscribe?
We are, at present, facing three pandeuxmois: the coronavirus, the daily snowfall that is a scourge on New York City, and a burgeoning Jared Leto Oscar campaign. For his work in The Little Things, Jared Leto has been nominated for a Golden Globe (which, as we know, does not matter) and a Screen Actors Guild Award (which, unfortunately for us, does). Something must be done about this.
I have tried to watch The Little Things three times. I have been unsuccessful each time; I cannot for the life of me get through it. When I turn on this movie all I see is: “Denzel Washington — dead women with bags over their heads — adult twin Rami Malek — uncloaked dementor Jared Leto — Denzel Washington, in flashback.” In the scenes I have seen, Leto’s performance is the serial killer standard: His hair is long, his nails are dirty, he speaks with a gentle, unnerving lilt. This is the performance we’re holding in high regard? This?
Jared Leto, if you recall, sucks. To “prepare” for the role of Joker in Suicide Squad, Leto sent his castmates used condoms, a dead pig, and a live rat. (He has since denied the live rat bit.) He started a cult. He lied about David Fincher doing his Panic Room straightbacks, which personally offended me. He has “slid into the dm’s of every female model aged 18-25,” according to Dylan Sprouse.
Jared Leto’s current position in this race is befuddling. But there is still time to stop him! Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do to stop Jared Leto’s second Oscar campaign. What have you done today to stop his ascent?
People who are doing the important work of stopping the Jared Leto Second Oscar Industrial Complex:
Kyle Buchanan:
Matt Zoller Seitz:
“The guy from Eve 6” (via Vulture):
Jared Leto himself:
I believe in us.
This Week in Armie Hammer
Speaking of men who need to get from ‘round here: should we talk about Armie Hammer some more?
Mere minutes after last week’s Friday Post arrived in your inbox, Variety reported that Hammer was dropped by both his talent agency, WME, and his personal publicist. Rumors, via Deuxmoi, continued to abound that there’s an exposé coming soon. There were other rumors, again from Deuxmoi, that Hammer is the suspect in a death investigation, but local police say he’s not part of their inquiry.
In Los Angeles Magazine, three crisis managers gave their take on Hammer’s current predicament. Only one of three seemed to see this scandal as legitimate allegations of sexual abuse, and not just an cannibalism embarassment that only affects the extrememely online, which still speaks to the lack of seriousness in this story’s pervading narrative.
I think it’s worth considering how, more than most, Armie Hammer has benefited from a certain nice-guy cosplay: his biggest credits are The Social Network, Call Me by Your Name, and Sorry To Bother You. (In that last one, he even seemed to satirize what could be a read of his own persona: a shallowly spiritual rich white guy who is eagerly into some fucked up shit.) He starred in (the very bad) “Straight White Men” on Broadway; sometimes he seemed “woke,” which, by Hollywood white man standards is just “acknowledging that racism exists.” In interviews, he frequently said that he didn’t live off his Hammer trust fund, but off money he made as a working actor. This psychotic presentation of someone we should root for, or at least someone whose handsomeness and privilege shouldn’t be held against him, should not be taken for granted.
Look how that all nice guy act collapsed when he faced even the slightest scrutiny: “2021 is going to kneel down before me and kiss my feet because this year I’m the boss of my own year,” he tweeted on New Years Day. “2020 was a cheap shot no one was expecting. Now I know what we are up against and it’s time to go to war. Know thy enemy, know thyself.... and exploit the differences.” The only drama he was involved in at that time was, ostensibly, his divorce. Today, he’s reportedly enjoying himself in Grand Cayman: “It’s quite horrifying, to be honest. [He] walks up and down West Bay Road with no shirt or shoes, without a care in the world,” a source told Page Six. “Always boisterous and obnoxious and full of himself.” I have no idea what’s in the upcoming Armie Hammer exposé (I think that murder thing is total random conjecture, and everything we have heard so far is bad enough), but I think we can expect a major tantrum from him whenever it drops.
We are not one nation under god, we are one nation under Sharon Stone:
I love her!
It feels incorrect to say that Justin Timberlake “apologized” to Britney Spears and Janet Jackson this week. There is no regret in this notes app statement, just vague spin: what is holding himself accountable for, exactly? “Benefitting from a system that condones racism and misogyny?” And why is he conflating what happened with Britney and what happened with Janet, other than the fact that he is currently being criticized for both?
I think Justin Timberlake said more during his appearance in the HBO Bee Gees documentary, which is saying something. This man always talks like he has a used car to sell me.
Brandy’s Cinderella is finally streaming on Disney+ today, which every black girl should consider a personal victory. Brandy spoke to Vulture’s Zoe Haylock, and this part absolutely sent me:
“Trying different notes” is a novel way to frame “Why are you down there?!” Today, and every day, I am missing Whitney Houston!
Joe Pesci, my favorite king of short experience, is selling his eight-bedroom, eight-bath New Jersey beach house. Here is what that house looks like:
Something to celebrate:
Malcolm D. Lee is continuing The Best Man movies, the most important franchise about being in a hot, chaotic friend group, as a TV series for Peacock.
Chris Harrison, Bachelor host/sentient L.L.Bean standee, defended Bachelor contestant Rachael Kirkconnell after a photo emerged of her attending an antebellum-themed fraternity formal. In an interview with ex-Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay, Harrison suggested that the party, which again celebrated the pre-Civil War United States, was perhaps a good look in 2018 and perhaps not as good of a look in 2021. Here is the exchange from their interview, via Variety:
I think it’s important to note that 2018 was the year The Favourite and Mid90s came out. It was the year Black Panther and BlacKkKlansman came out. 2018 was the year Jackson Maine put on his Fenty 390 and smashed more than that lil percocet. All that to say: 2018 was not that long ago. In some ways, when I think about Halsey saying “How great … Ally!” it feels basically like yesterday.
Harrison later apologized after the interview, saying: “What I now realize I have done is cause harm by wrongly speaking in a manner that perpetuates racism, and for that I am so deeply sorry.” If anyone knows what the words “speaking in a manner that perpetuates racism” mean, I would like to know. (Justin Timberlake, baby, weigh in here!) I would also like to know the exact day and date Harrison thinks it became common knowledge that antebellum parties are racist, since it was apparently sometime between Bohemian Rhapsody and Promising Young Woman.
Daniel Kaluuya in Jesus’ Name!
It has been a minute since we have gotten a truly delightful press tour. I love Daniel Kaluuya, a good old fashioned flirt. Here is my man making Robin Roberts blush on GMA:
This lil SSENSE piece, by my friend Aaron Edwards, is so lovely: “I have uncontainable crushes on all of my friends. They are the people I will allow in my house. And I love telling them how much I love them. An expression of unbridled love between friends is tantamount to the deepest romantic affection.”
The Bless His Heart Beat
Leonardo DiCaprio is currently in Framingham, MA. Rihanna, thank God, is not.
Unrelated to that, this was on my mind this morning:
That’s all this week! Thank you for reading. This weekend I will be watching White Nights (because of this tweet) and listening to more Britney Spears.
Jared is going to terrorize Gaga and Adam on the set of Gucci when it starts filming next month.
The follow up leaks to Page Six insisting Justin did this all on his own and he very much truly sincerely definitely means it is the cherry on the ramen noodle pudding.