27 Files I Need More Urgently Than The JFK Files
The Friday Post.
My curiosity about John F. Kennedy’s assassination begins and ends with why Ronan Farrow hated Jackie so much. (I have to fall on my sword for a movie with the line “Brookline is no place to bury a president.”1) Maybe it extends to why Peter Saarsgaard, of all people, was cast as Bobby Kennedy … but really, I do not have more questions about JFK’s death. This week the U.S. National Archives and Records Administration reportedly released about 63,000 pages of documents related to the investigation of the assassination of the 35th president; I will read exactly none. Why would I read any of those when I’m due for my quarterly re-read of the best Sony hack emails?
Here’s what I would actually read: any correspondence related to how Hannah Berner booked that Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty red carpet gig. I need to see any files regarding why someone I used to work with mysteriously disappeared and married a YouTube influencer, but his emails never even bounced back! I need to see the files related to Denzel Washington and Julia Roberts not kissing in The Pelican Brief. I need to see the files for why my dentist told me I “don’t have” wisdom teeth even though I definitely do. I would not read 60,000 pages about JFK’s assassination. I would read 60,000 pages of the feud between Jill Biden and Nancy Pelosi’s daughter. Twenty-seven other document drops I need, actually:
Tree Paine’s entire email archive.
Does Drake think SZA knew about Euphoria, et al? And what text did he send SZA that I’m sure she didn’t reply to? Or maybe she replied but with “I’ll vn you,” and just never did.
Every unanswered text between Will Ferrell and Adam McKay.
What did Barbara Streisand think of Bradley Cooper’s A Star Is Born?
The book about directing Steven Soderbergh told me he was always working on but would never finish/publish
The emails exchanged after the New Yorker’s Jeremy Strong profile
The Noah Baumbach Corrections pilot.
Why was Andrea Arnold fired from Big Little Lies season two?
What did Selena Gomez think of The Idol?
Whatever happened to Amazon’s Rihanna documentary?
Where is the Renaissance World Tour Film? The one I sat my ass down at the AMC Lincoln Square to see?
WHAT is the pitch to go on Only Murders in the Building. Lol.
What did the rest of the Seinfeld cast think when Jerry was dating that high school student?
Why did the Survivor: Cagayan cast turn on Woo?
That one Nicki Minaj verse that I swear was her shading Beyonce
Anna Kendrick’s [redacted] audition…
The Catherine Keener-Dermot Mulroney divorce
…and speaking of … what does Christopher Abbott think of Adam Driver’s career…
What did Rian Johnson (director of the excellent Last Jedi) think of (the horrible) Rise of Skywalker?
I need every piece of correspondence related to Meghan Markle renaming her lifestyle brand “As Ever.”
I need the files regarding who all can’t stand Jamie Lee Curtis…
Actually scared of this one so I’m putting it in the footnotes…2
Rostam tagging everyone but Ariel Rechtshaid…
Every file about the Jennifer Hudson show, which is uniquely terrible3, even for daytime TV.
Anyone with information about any of the above is encouraged to DM me, or comment your own.
What the paid list got this week:
A line that I will be thinking about until global warming kills us all: “I don’t want to be identified as being in this time and place with you.”
“I don’t want to be identified as being in this time and place with you.”
More from Hung Up this week: Drake watched Phantom Thread (very me) and then listened to Gracie Abrams (very not me). “I definitely think the farther away I get from those events, the more determined they feel, where it’s like they were always fated to happen, but then I'm less certain about why they happened at all…” Talking to my friend Haley Mlotek about her exquisite divorce memoir,
More more more
Speaking of white women barking back: Ellen Pompeo! I love her waking up the Grey’s Anatomy pay disparity between herself (the titular role) and Patrick Dempsey. “To be completely fair, the television game was so different then. He had done 13 pilots before me,” Pompeo told Alex Cooper on “Call Her Daddy.” “Nothing personal to him, just in general, only a man can have 13 failed TV pilots and their quote keeps going up, right?” Thirteen … failed … TV … pilots … oh she put him on the jumbotron with that one. I haven’t watched the full episode, but did Alex Cooper ask her about that one Grey’s writer…? (Vulture/CHD)
UMG says that Drake “lost a rap battle that he provoked and in which he willingly participated. Instead of accepting the loss like the unbothered rap artist he often claims to be, he has sued his own record label in a misguided attempt to salve his wounds. Plaintiff’s Complaint is utterly without merit and should be dismissed with prejudice.” How does your own label put a nail in your coffin like that lmao (Variety)
She’s at it again! I need Karla Sofía Gascón to be serious and turn on a front-facing camera, the preferred medium of narcissists, failed actors, and the generally self-righteous. At a book event for her memoir, Gascón again alleged that there was a conspiracy against her via the tweets that she herself twote. “No one has to forgive me for anything. If anyone feels offended by things I may have done in my life, let them come and tell me,” she reportedly said. “They’ve said that I’m far-right or racist or whatever. But if there’s one thing I’ve done all my life, it’s that I’ve been against all this. When I was young, I used to fight with skinheads … When someone comes up to me and I ask them: ‘But what is it about me that offends you?’, no one can come up with anything or tell me anything.” The greatest performance she gave was acting like she’d ever let any of this go. (Deadline)
Max cancelled Sex Lives of College Girls. I haven’t caught up on the most recent season but the season one and two scripts were so clever! An impossibly horny old man I was sitting next to at dinner the other night, unprompted, told me, “Has anyone ever told you to look like Whitney?” I assumed Houston because … huh? “No, Whitney from Sex Lives of College Girls.4 That’s a great show. You ever watch it?”5 (THR)
Doja Cat acting like Jack Harlow has any game … yeah I need her to lock into that acting career.
Also the Molly Baz cameo?? Lol.
That’s all this week! Thank you for reading. Tonight I’m catching up on Severance and scrolling through the season finale chat! I will also catch up on The Pitt6/complete my medical training (self-diagnosed). Have a good weekend!
And also it’s just great: https://www.vulture.com/2018/07/jackie-is-the-fourth-of-july-movie-for-your-american-despair.html
Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo!!! I mean hello!!!
She is a bad interviewer! Very incurious.
To be clear: I don’t! That was just racism 😇
Later I overheard his friend say that he's too scared to watch The White Lotus: "You know that show's about us, right?"
Speaking of … I really wonder how Dr. Robby would’ve assessed this:
Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Testicles: An Exhaustive Timeline
This is The Friday Post, Hung Up’s weekly roundup of celebrity mess and miscellanea. If you like this kind of thing, why not subscribe? And this post is too long for email so maybe read it on site, idk.
rostam did that for me specifically, to lure me into a fake sense of security. also, i'm just nosy so i absolutely back this list but would like to add january jones & mindy kaling's baby daddy case files, every textual and email exchange between mindy kaling & bj novak, the audio of that billion dollar elevator, and watergate style interviews of taylor swift and karli kloss about big sur
Speaking of Big Little Lies - the WhatsApp group chat that is the core group but without Shailene Woodley where they talk about Shailene Woodley.