You are so insightful, Hunter. This interview is making me feel reflective. "[Divorce] is the only way to find out who we are in those moments of pain, loss, and shame that come after standing up in front of the people you trust and love the most, only to say later that you hadn’t known what you were doing." This zings straight to the heart of it, and is so true. I felt deeply ashamed when I was first separated from my ex-husband, but sixteen years later, in many ways I feel like the person who went through that is someone I dearly love but don't see very often. I was extremely lucky, though, in that I was able to make a much happier life for myself.
I've also always been a movie kid and definitely studied movies as a guide for being a person; it left me with this strange desire to be Cary Grant AND Bill Murray AND Marilyn Monroe. Stylish, urbane, funny, lightly sexy but not tragic -- those were my goals and essentially remain my goals.
I read "Eat Pray Love" on my honeymoon with my first husband, and it really bothered him. An early sign we were not supposed to be together!
"I felt deeply ashamed when I was first separated from my ex-husband, but sixteen years later, in many ways I feel like the person who went through that is someone I dearly love but don't see very often. I was extremely lucky, though, in that I was able to make a much happier life for myself." i love that!! i like leaving space in our lives for a change that we'll never be able to expect
Excellent interview, Hunter! I loved the question and quote about watching movies and reading to learn how to be a person - I’m not sure I’ve unlearned that or would want to, because reading and watching characters is part of how we develop empathy! I’m going to be thinking about the way they warp perception.
This line cracked something open: “I talk about myself behind my back … I waste myself.” Carrie Fisher really was doing divine service. And so is Haley here — “No Fault” reads like it was written with a scalpel dipped in honey. So much of it felt like someone finally naming thoughts I hadn’t dared to string into sentences yet.
Also, YES to the way the book moves like a film. I didn’t have the language for it till this interview, but of course it’s jump cuts, not fragments. That’s why it felt so emotionally true — not clean or linear, just real in the way memory is real: blinking, looping, skipping, landing. Like if Scenes from a Marriage was written by a friend you both trust and envy.
Lastly: I’ll never recover from “I am not only a child of divorce, but a student of divorce.” I, too, studied at the University of Meryl’s Reading Glasses in It’s Complicated.
This interview is a stunning reminder that divorce isn’t just a breakup — it’s a rebirth. Haley’s line about divorce being the only way to find out who we are in moments of pain really lands. It's like shedding a skin you didn’t even know you were trapped in. For me, reading No Fault felt like flipping through a mirror, one where every reflection wasn't mine, but could have been.
And, oh, the movies. I’ve always been the kid in the back row thinking I could become a better version of myself by watching, just like you. I think we all had that idealistic notion that maybe we could be a perfect hybrid of Cary Grant and Bill Murray, and just like Elizabeth, I thought "Eat Pray Love" was my roadmap—until it wasn’t.
This piece felt like a good reminder that, like the characters in those films, it’s okay to go through the mess of it all — maybe that’s where the magic happens.
You are so insightful, Hunter. This interview is making me feel reflective. "[Divorce] is the only way to find out who we are in those moments of pain, loss, and shame that come after standing up in front of the people you trust and love the most, only to say later that you hadn’t known what you were doing." This zings straight to the heart of it, and is so true. I felt deeply ashamed when I was first separated from my ex-husband, but sixteen years later, in many ways I feel like the person who went through that is someone I dearly love but don't see very often. I was extremely lucky, though, in that I was able to make a much happier life for myself.
I've also always been a movie kid and definitely studied movies as a guide for being a person; it left me with this strange desire to be Cary Grant AND Bill Murray AND Marilyn Monroe. Stylish, urbane, funny, lightly sexy but not tragic -- those were my goals and essentially remain my goals.
I read "Eat Pray Love" on my honeymoon with my first husband, and it really bothered him. An early sign we were not supposed to be together!
"I felt deeply ashamed when I was first separated from my ex-husband, but sixteen years later, in many ways I feel like the person who went through that is someone I dearly love but don't see very often. I was extremely lucky, though, in that I was able to make a much happier life for myself." i love that!! i like leaving space in our lives for a change that we'll never be able to expect
Thank you, Hunter! ♥️♥️😍
Excellent interview. The questions, the writing, the books I have to go read now, and the things it's jogged for my own writing today. Thanks!
Read an essay by Deborah Levy immediately after this and am now devastated and in tears. Thanks again for the rec.
hey, would u mind sharing what essay u read? this response + the interview makes me want to look at their work?
https://www.thecut.com/2018/07/deborah-levy-cost-of-living-excerpt.html
I just ordered a bunch of her books from the library, including The Cost of Living
thanks sm!
I can't recommend her memoir Real Estate enough (it's divorce-adjacent, too!)
thank you!! i've now added a half dozen of haley's reccs (in the book and in this interview) to my own reading list
Excellent interview, Hunter! I loved the question and quote about watching movies and reading to learn how to be a person - I’m not sure I’ve unlearned that or would want to, because reading and watching characters is part of how we develop empathy! I’m going to be thinking about the way they warp perception.
This line cracked something open: “I talk about myself behind my back … I waste myself.” Carrie Fisher really was doing divine service. And so is Haley here — “No Fault” reads like it was written with a scalpel dipped in honey. So much of it felt like someone finally naming thoughts I hadn’t dared to string into sentences yet.
Also, YES to the way the book moves like a film. I didn’t have the language for it till this interview, but of course it’s jump cuts, not fragments. That’s why it felt so emotionally true — not clean or linear, just real in the way memory is real: blinking, looping, skipping, landing. Like if Scenes from a Marriage was written by a friend you both trust and envy.
Lastly: I’ll never recover from “I am not only a child of divorce, but a student of divorce.” I, too, studied at the University of Meryl’s Reading Glasses in It’s Complicated.
anton your comments are so wonderful! i look forward to them all, thanks so much for being here
This interview is a stunning reminder that divorce isn’t just a breakup — it’s a rebirth. Haley’s line about divorce being the only way to find out who we are in moments of pain really lands. It's like shedding a skin you didn’t even know you were trapped in. For me, reading No Fault felt like flipping through a mirror, one where every reflection wasn't mine, but could have been.
And, oh, the movies. I’ve always been the kid in the back row thinking I could become a better version of myself by watching, just like you. I think we all had that idealistic notion that maybe we could be a perfect hybrid of Cary Grant and Bill Murray, and just like Elizabeth, I thought "Eat Pray Love" was my roadmap—until it wasn’t.
This piece felt like a good reminder that, like the characters in those films, it’s okay to go through the mess of it all — maybe that’s where the magic happens.
Loved reading this interview! So insightful about how to process divorce and separation and the writing process itself.