Mother!

Julia Roberts.

Jeff Bezos is not allowed to read this. I’m serious: Jeff Bezos if you are reading this legally you must stop — close all two of your eyes. You know what you did!

Julia Roberts and George Clooney in Ticket to Paradise. Photo: Screenshot.

To all my sons worldwide
All my juniors
I apologize for my absence, I know I left you without a name to drop
I don't know how I expected you to get your clout up and get your money up
But don't worry
Daddy's home

- Drake, “Papi’s Home”
- Me but about Julia Roberts making movies again

Julia Roberts is of particular interest to Hung Up because, obviously, she’s Julia Roberts. If you were born in the 1990s, Julia Roberts was your white mother. (I asked my friend Peyton if I should title this post “Big Momma’s House” because no one in Hollywood is bigger than Julia Roberts, that’s my mama, and the movie theater is her place of residence. Peyton replied: “HUNTER,” without any reasoning or justification.) I really believe that: Julia Roberts, Princess Diana, and Whitney Houston mothered an entire generation. I can’t imagine my own (real) mother wouldn’t agree: we watched Runaway Bride too many times for me to believe otherwise. This week Julia Roberts makes her triumphant return to the big screen since she got in her Subaru and said “get in Lucas Hedges we’re going life-saving.”