📍Soul Ties

Love Island USA Season 6 cast, ranked.

There’s a Love Island finale chat in the Substack app, as well as a chat about the new House of the Dragon.

The Powerpuff Girs (JaNa, Leah, and Serena) plus Kaylor (favorite animal is a mermaid). Photo: Screenshot.

I resisted watching Love Island because there are, frankly, too many episodes. I declined to watch Love Island USA for the same reason — 36 hours of television when I only have one wild and precious life? Enough people (Peyton and Lauren Michelle Jackson on the most recent episode of “Lemme Say This,” plus about a dozen of you via DMs) told me it was worth my time. When I was introduced to [keep reading] and [stay tuned] in episode [you’ll see!] I decided this show was for me. I did the only thing I could do: I binged the entire season in a ten-ish days.

My Sally Rooney ARC¹ would have to wait. I would discuss the Barack Obama affair rumors another time.² I skipped a screening of Thief at the Prospect Park Nitehawk because I was (in high school athlete parlance) eating tape. They said I wouldn’t be able to do it. They said it couldn’t be done. But I have emerged from my fugue state, having watched 35 hours in one-third as many days, and I lived to tell the tale (write this ranking).³ The parameters are as unserious as the show itself: who was the most entertaining to watch, who was the most honest about their intentions and dealt fairly with their villa-mates. This ranking isn’t about who started the least drama, it’s about who started drama commensurate with their contribution to the show’s quality.

caine_fit

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Caine Bacon
I can only imagine that Caine happened to be coincidentally vacationing in Fiji and got lost in the airport and ended up at this villa. I mean why else is he on the island? Caine doesn’t seem particularly moved by anyone in the villa; he’s not looking for a friendship connection, a romantic connection, but he should be looking for a real DDS. He tired of Liv pretty early after coupling, and once he switched it up for Sierra, he gave Sierra the weakest of ultimatums. He would be ranked higher if that Sierra interaction never happened. Imagine not even being coupled up for a week and dangling his low-level interest like it’s some prize she’s in danger of losing. I wish I could get back every minute I spent

daialarie

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Daia McGhee
Good for Serena for saying she won’t hold what when down between Kordell and Daia in Casa Amor (and, subsequently, in the villa when Kordell brought Daia back) against Daia. Unfortunately I’m not that healed.

I have very little respect for Daia, a woman who set her sights on OBJ Kordell from the beginning, and entered Casa Amor to seduce him. I can appreciate goal-setting but girl. The key to Kordell’s heart was acting like his assistant, showering him with shallow affirmations, manipulating his confusion?

It’s not just what Daia did (coming between two people who are meant for one another) but how she did it. When Daia was upgraded to the villa, she came with an attitude. She lounged with the Casa girls and pouted that the villa women hadn’t introduced herself to them yet. She ran interference between Serena and Kordell, trying to both come between them and patch things up between them. And, yeah, it’s also kind of what she did: I’m trying to understand what Daia expected to happen when she heard Kordell say at the firepit that his connection with Serena was stronger than his connection with her and yet she stayed on his arm anyway. If you’re going to be a pick me, at least get picked! Girl get up. She deserved to leave that villa with no boyfriend and no friends.

aaronevans97_

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Aaron Evans
Aaron entered the Love Island villa looking for an unbreakable, unforgettable connection and he found his person. Aaron found someone to devote himself to entirely, to defend at any cost, to love unconditionally. With Aaron, the system worked. Unfortunately for Kaylor, Aaron’s person was Rob.

Perhaps it’s a side effect of binge-ing this long-as-hell show in just over a week, but I keep forgetting that Kaylor is likely only just now seeing the depth of Aaron’s activities in Casa Amor. Every promise Aaron made he broke. He got out of every sticky situation by backing Kaylor into leveling up their relationship and ignoring their problems. The gaslighting … the piecemeal way he confirmed or copped to anything … Fawk Aaron, indeed. That’s how egregious and embarrassing I found Daia in the villa. Egregious and embarrassing enough to rank her below Aaron.

hakeemxwhite

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Hakeem White
Respectfully, I’m not sure that Hakeem’s job (business consultant for personal trainers) is real. But neither is his personality, really! Now that all is said and done, I think the person who benefited most from Hakeem’s presence in the villa was Kendall. With Hakeem in the house, Kendall became the second most annoying chatterbox. Hakeem was trying harder to drum up support than the House Majority Whip, or at least what I know about that position from season one of House of Cards. He had no real connections but he had a lot of interrupting other people’s conversations.

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Andrea Carmona
It’s not Andrea’s fault that the fallout over her exit (massive) was not at all commensurate with how much people missed her (less than very little … I’d even say not at all).