RHONY Reunion: I’m A Celebrity Get Me Outta Here

Talking through the reunion's second epsiode with Marlowe Granados.

On Sunday night, I was in the mood to be fussed at and gaslit, because apparently an afternoon at JFK airport wasn’t enough for me: Real Housewives of New York reunion it is! Will Jessel’s ascent continue? Will Erin keep up her MTV moon man-worthy performance as the woman who never did anything bad ever, not even once? And why is Brynn mad at Ubah, again? Jenna Lyons was also there.

RHONY Reunion: Taank Tops Unite

When the first part of the reunion aired last week, I wanted to move on from all the trauma talk that’s plagued this season and this reboot. (Can we not just watch gleefully out-of-touch women defend and defy one another? Is that too much to ask??) Ubah arrived to her spot on the sofa ready to air out everyone, honestly, but her small asides worked better on camera than they did in the room. She wasn’t making an impact or directing the conversation; Jessel was able to put Sai and Erin in uncomfortable positions. And speaking of those two: Sai trying to distance herself from Erin over something insignificant was a curious reversal. Turning on Erin let Sai wiggle out of actual accountability.   

Once again, my friend and fellow RHONY obsessive Marlowe Granados (of

From the Desk of Marlowe Granados

) and I met in a google doc to talk through the episode as we watched.

Hunter Harris: And off the top we’re starting with some foolishness! Jessel says that Erin and Sai said/implied that Pavit was going to Vietnam to cheat on her because she hasn’t been sleeping with him since she gave birth. From Jessel’s POV, she is dealing with a lot of post-partum emotions and is self-conscious; the goofy two say that they didn’t know how sensitive she was because she was more candid in the confessionals. Crazy! That doesn’t justify anything. 

Marlowe Granados: They’re going to bring this all the way around to how Jessel hasn’t been truthful about her life and won’t confide in the group. I wonder WHY! The way they talk about sex being the only thing that hinges a marriage together is rather concerning to me. I would like to say that it is British to call anyone a hag, the Brits have so many fun turns of phrase. 

I’m dying at the comment that asked, “What is wrong with Erin and Sai?”

HH: I’m trying to understand how Erin can apologize for saying/implying that Pavit is cheating on Jessel moments after she says that she never did that.

Meanwhile: “this is your thing” - Sai talking about Jessel’s marriage. I mean my God.

MG: I think the most Housewife thing ever is knowing someone who “flies for miles.” Personally, I would do the same, I love a points system. 

HH: I don’t understand how Sai acts like her being hangry is something that’s out of her control. Like girl just … eat? Meal plan? Pack snacks? What a stupid, silly excuse! I have an attitude when I travel and get hungry so I buy two bags of Gardettos at every Hudson News I pass. It’s possible to plan ahead, especially at her big age!

MG: It’s giving male privilege!! We only let teenage jocks complain about that. It reminds me of those weird “This is what I ate today” Tiktoks of college boys eating every two hours. Also, all season she made it part of her character arc which is frankly a very boring point. I was hungry so I went to Nobu! 

MG: Oh my God, Gideon talk is next!!! As per our texts weeks ago, I must confess to have followed him on IG. Watch out, Brynn.

HH: I know Sai is making a joke, but there is something telling about the way she jokes that this reunion is a therapy session. Like, therapy is not usually being called out, it’s about seeking new understandings of yourself and why you act the way you do! (Or, at least, that’s what my therapy sessions usually are. Lol.) Sai plays the tough guy but she’s very sensitive and reactive. 

MG: I feel like you can tell Sai has never been to therapy. Maybe this is my new way to classify people, “Does so and so seem like they’ve ever been to therapy?” She’s so sensitive. I’m sure she was having quite the week when people were scrutinizing her marriage timeline and whether she was really the “other woman.”

HH: I wish we spent all that time on Sai’s backstory on what exactly Brynn did for/with the BP oil spill.

MG: Crisis PR is the most nebulous business out there, but I think Brynn would be very effective at it. She’s slippery. Her humor must always go down a torrid path. An ascot on a penis! From what I’ve seen from Gideon’s Instagram, I feel like between his vintage cars and his running marathons, he will be SICK after seeing this. Sorry I just got to the “divorce is a sensitive word for me”, okay Erin…

gideonlangladdie

A post shared by @gideonlangladdie

HH: Erin is getting caught in so many lies, chile…

MG: Seems strange that she’s a Cancer—I can see it in the way she loves to dish it but can’t take it. Sidebar: With all these tears I am dying to know what setting spray they used. That makeup is not budging. 

HH: Yes to needing the setting spray link! That is the only thing Sai is bringing to the table. 

I thought about doing power rankings for this series, but I didn’t expect so many people to rise and fall so often (and also JP’s are so good). The way Jenna came in running this season and now has shrunk to another pawn of Erin and Sai. Jenna isn’t even part of any conversation! When her name is brought up she defaults to a tepid apology. 

MG: She’s realizing how she best works in the Housewife universe and it’s very much the path of least resistance. Also like, I can’t even remember, did we have a dedicated ten minutes on Jenna? If we did, it didn’t stick. You know, one thing I have to say about this season is that all of my first impressions of everyone have completely changed over the course of the series. Jenna truly regresses back into a little girl who was picked on when she’s with all of the other women. 

Ubah, Ubah, Ubah, we love her and her passion. I feel like we all have that friend who we are worried about getting mad. What that friend is important for is showing us how to have a little more tact and grace in our friendships. 

HH: Unfortunately that lesson is being given to women who seem pretty insistent on bad faith reads of whatever she says. My God, what a waste! I know I’m Jessel-biased but really the best part of the reunion was her asking Erin if she watched her conduct this season with a fucking blindfold on. 

Humble plea: I heard murmurings of Hannah Bronfman being circled for the reboot cast. Please can we get her (and her windowless bunker apartment) to replace Sai or Erin? I’m begging.