On the Fourth of July, I was celebrating the Lana Del Rey song “National Anthem,” the very-online were celebrating the birthdate of the Caesar Salad, and Kendrick Lamar was celebrating Drake’s defeat. On Juneteenth, Kendrick called a quorum of every LA rapper you can possibly think of, plus some other people. (The only notable LA natives not present, I swear to God, were Haim. But maybe they were there in the background somewhere, idk.) With the release of the “Not Like Us” music video — his blistering Drake diss track — Kendrick turned Independence Day into the Canadian rapper’s homegoing service.1
It’s is a six minute long cinéma vérité defrenestration. It’s all so casual: a conclave of a bunch of people united in finding Drake annoying. Kendrick opens with a snippet of a tease of a new track (it kinda rules) before the opening of “Not Like Us.” Kendrick destroys an owl pinata (“No OVHoes were harmed during the making of this video”), does push-ups in a jail cell, drives around LA with the music producer Mustard riding shotgun. Kendricks’s fiancée Whitney Alford appears in the video along with their two children, all dancing along to the song, beating Drake’s broken home allegations. Dave Free, the Kendrick producer Drake said fathered one of Kendrick’s kids, co-directed the video. At one point Kendrick Lamar is even wearing business casual? It is a electric victory lap for the song of the summer.
Kendrick’s timing couldn’t have really been better: it was only a few days ago that Drake contributed one and a half songs (a track and an interlude) to the new Camila Cabello album. (We discussed this on the newest episode of “Lemme Say This” … let’s say Peyton’s covid turned up and turned out on her tastebuds when she tried to tell me this album was legitimately great. It’s only fine.2)
That “Not Like Us” feels like the biggest hit of Kendrick’s career post-Damn is the detail that encourages Drake fans when they take a break from deciphering credit card statements, DJ Akademiks YouTube comments, and the check they’re about to ask you to split. That Kendrick has earned such a big hit from a Drake diss proves Drake’s power, goes their thinking. Or does it prove Kendrick’s thesis? “We hate the bitches you fuck, 'cause they confuse themself with real women,” Kendrick said on “Euphoria.” “And notice I said "we" it's not just me, I'm what the culture feelin’.”
Drake meanwhile was looking defeated at that sports betting guy’s all-white party.
What else can I tell you about Derek Blasberg,3 the man most famous for being at the cusp of getting cropped out of every photo of three or more famous white women together? My phone has overheated from the gossip around him allegedly … and stay with me here … doing a big diahrrea in Gwyneth Paltrow’s Hamptons house. Dare I say he did it on’em … yeah, he just shitted on ‘em (Goop sheets).
Devoted Hung Up readers know what I’m talking about. In the time since publication I’ve heard that (a) it definitely happened, and (b) Blasberg has since retained crisis comms to deal with this whole mess. Lmao.
We might be losing recipes but we are not losing receipts: If you haven’t already shared an encounter of him being outlandishly cruel or rude, my ears are open and I’m nosy :)
Some links:
A grand jury is reportedly hearing evidence as part of a federal criminal investigation into Sean Combs. (NBC)
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Affleck (nee Lopez and maybe soon to be nee Affleck) spent the Fourth of July apart. (People)
I was back on the Girls Room podcast talking about a Georgina episode of Gossip Girl season one. (Girls Room)
An essay from Mary H.K. Choi that really knocked me out (The Cut)
A reported feature about the rise of NDAs around tech/Hollywood/relationships of all stripes, which featured a throwaway line that made me chuckle: “Since marriage is a contract — you can think of it as a noncompete…” (The Cut)
This is absolutely disgusting and I cannot be convinced otherwise. And this is after she ate sushi in a bathtub!
That’s all this week. Thank you for reading!4 This weekend I have already watched so much sports. And will probably watch some more. Chat will be up in the Substack app for the newest House of the Dragon ep on Sunday. And should I watch that Dallas cheerleading Netflix show?
If you’re white: this is what black people call a funeral.
The Drake-Camila song is good, but it’s clearly a song that would’ve been a galatic Drake-Rihanna 10 years ago. The interlude on the other hand … well, the most light skinned type of music is an interlude … just an unserious way to step into the studio … it is entirely him.
We are losing recipes (the Gakwer archives) but refreshing myself on Derek Blasberg's beginnings led me to read a fascinating profile of socialite/it girl Genevieve Jones: https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB115819257540062525
Does anyone have opinions on the Gucci Westman contour stick? I keep adding the mini to my Sephora cart and chickening out btw
“being at the cusp of getting cropped out of every photo of three or more famous white women together”
Damn I really was about to rush to the comments to ask if white people knew what a homegoing was but then you made it a footnote 😂