Well, Well, Well, What Do We Have Here? (Bradley Cooper's Beard)

This is a difficult time, and we are all acting in strange and mercurial ways.

Bradley Cooper is seen on June 10, 2024 in New York City. (Photo: Ignat/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images)

We are in the final days of Bennifer … if every tabloid is to be believed … and I’m believing them. Bennifer — the second Jennifer Affleck, the first to “52…What It Do,” that time J.Lo said she got married in “a dress from an old movie” and it turned out to be the dress from a movie she made just one movie ago — those crazy kids who could! I can either write you 100 emails about Bennifer, or I can write you nothing. I won’t be buying into the collective delusion that Camila Cabello, who gave Drake a whole interlude on her album, is having a moment.

The tabloids deliver new evidence that we are in the dramatic lurch toward the first family’s season finale. “Multiple sources with direct knowledge tell TMZ, J Lo and Ben are [selling] the home they bought a little over a year ago.” “J-Lo’s Week From Hell Went From Bad to a Total Dumpster Fire.” All 120 minutes of Atlas. We are all handling the grief in different ways. I have been mainlining OG seasons of the Real Housewives of New York City like Peacock has been set on fire. I had to pay a broker's fee last week and felt like I’d been Slapped, no Oscar. I dipped into a theater the other day to watch I Saw The TV Glow — well let’s just say I already spent four years at Emerson College, another two hours did not do anything for me.¹ 

This is a difficult time, and we are all acting in strange and mercurial ways. What I’m getting at here is that Bradley Cooper has a new beard.