Tonight: Drake and Kendrick Lamar fussing, Kate Middleton update, my new favorite divorced man, and more.
When Rihanna announced that she and A$AP Rocky were expecting a child, Drake raced to lose the idgaf war.1 I distinctly remember a tweet (that I can’t find anymore, otherwise I’d link) that along the lines of “men on ‘Fuckin’ Problems’ shouldn’t fight.” I still think about it and laugh every so often, but this week two men on “Fuckin’ Problems” are fighting (again).
On the Future and Metro Boomin album “We Don’t Trust You,” “Fuckin’ Problem”-haver Kendrick Lamar crashes to take shots at Drake. All weekend people have been saying his verse is excellent; I think it’s only fine. But I am in the habit of disrespecting Drake, so I will tip my hat. “Think I won’t drop the location? I still got PTSD/ Motherfuck the Big 3, nigga, it’s just big me,” Kendrick raps, about himself, Drake, and J. Cole.
Kendrick then addresses Drake directly: “Your best work is a light pack / Nigga, Prince outlived Mike Jack / Niggaa, bum, ‘fore all your dogs get buried / That’s a K with all these nines, he gon’ see Pet Sematary.”
GQ’s Frazier Tharpe has an extensive explainer of the lengthy cold war between Drake and Kendrick. It boils down to men being sensitive and territorial and shady; unfortunately, that’s a culture we share.
I have no dog in this fight: Kendrick’s raps have become increasingly hotep, and Drake is just so notoriously Drake.2 Is Future involved, are they really fighting about a stripper in Miami? I wonder what’s the next move for Drake, who I fully believe had his own nudes leaked to try to get women to ride for him again. (Unfortunately, it looks like the “For All The Dogs”-era continues.) This is all the bandwidth I have for men fighting this week. To quote Future: “I’m good luv. Enjoy.”
Kate Middleton Update
In a video posted to her socials on Friday afternoon, Kate Middleton revealed the reason behind her absence. Kate, the Princess of Wales, was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. After her abdominal surgery, Middleton said her doctors found the cancer. “This of course came as a huge shock, and William and I have been doing everything we can to process and manage this privately for the sake of our young family,” Kate said in the video, reportedly filmed at Windsor on Wednesday. “As you can imagine, this has taken time. It has taken me time to recover from major surgery in order to start my treatment.”
At least three staffers at the London Clinic, the central London hospital where Middleton is said to have received treatment, tried to access her medical records, per ABC News. “We can confirm that we have received a breach report and are assessing the information provided,” a spokesperson for the Information Commissioner's Office, a data privacy watchdog said in a statement.
The diagnosis is sad, and the more hyper-conspiracy speculation3 feels gross. There is something strange here: Even if Kate was playing around with Photoshop for that Mother’s Day photo (doubtful), why would the palace, um, offer that up? I’d bet that the photo wasn’t her mistake, the palace tried to personalize the image’s spin with that tweet, but that snafu ended up leaving her getting blamed for it. A $32,000 communications assistant can’t fix this.
He Admit It
It is not part of God’s plan for my life to have any opinion on the actor Lukas Gage4, the hairstylist Chris Appleton, or their 182-day marriage. But divorce looks good on Gage: he was a guest on WWHL this week and dished on their happily never after.
“I want to apologize to Shania Twain for wasting her time,” Gage said on the aftershow, referencing Twain’s performance at his Vegas-set, Kim Kardashian-officiated wedding. “I mean, ‘We’re still holding on, you’re still the one,’ after, like, three weeks? That was unhinged. That was like the biggest waste of her time. I love you, Shania, I’m really sorry about that.”
The best part, though, is confirmation of something I’ve been wondering about for, I guess, a year: How are you dating a hairstylist and this is your hair? ⬇
Cohen asked point-blank if Appleton did Gage’s hair during their relationship. “I will just say, while that was happening, I’ve never had my hair look like that before,” Gage said.
“It’s never looked better?” Cohen asked.
Gage shook his head: “No, never looked worse.” I feel like I’m rubbing the lamp here: You’re free from those bad highlights, genie!
“I’m so high right now y’all I’m about to go to sleep on y’all.” Iconic moment from the Young Thug trial, courtesy of
(Meghann Thee Reporter’s Twitter)Love Is Blind’s Sarah Ann is standing on patriot business (Vulture)
I wonder why Flamingo Estate didn’t want to work with Meghan Markle, or do you think they didn’t want a celeb face? Probably smarter for them. (Puck)
Something about this fit … this body language … flambé me if you want, but I kinda need him. (Unfortunate that I have to link to something called “Pubity”)
I have already purchased my tickets for Birth, obviously. Maybe I’ll do Margot at the Wedding and The Stepford Wives, too? (Nitehawk)
Forget homewrecking — Is it possible to deplatform an apartment? (Fallis-Bronfman home)
Love Is Blind UK will be here in August, innit? (Tudum)
That’s all this week! Thank you for reading. Happy birthday to my best friend Rachel, who I accidentally sent birthday flowers exactly one month early because I am an idiot. I’m so happy you [redacted] in the [redacted] of [redacted] so we could meet at orientation week of college.
This weekend I half-watched Three Body Problem on Netflix, which I did not enjoy, and only pressed play because I thought it was going to be about a messy love triangle.5 It was not.
“I’m anti, I’m anti / Yeah, and the sex was average with you” he rapped on the “For All The Dogs” song “Fear of Heights.” “Yeah, I’m anti ’cause I had it with you … / And I had way badder bitches than you, TBH.”
Y’all light me up for being workout girl now, but every person who knows what a kettlebell is listens to Drake! He is the music of the gym!
Like the "she's dead" stuff. But I have to agree with my friend, the writer Sarah Hagi, here: "the 'you all should feel bad about speculating about someones life?' stuff doesnt quite land when people were just participating in the culture of gossip and speculation the royal family has used for their own benefit many times.
Actually this is a little bit of a lie: “You don't know my alphabet” is one of the greatest tweets of all time.
No like I can’t stop thinking about how they blamed the photoshop fiasco on the lady with cancer
thank you for your dedication in talking about drake being a loser. we all have to do our part 🫡