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Taylor Swift has been sentenced to five more months of the Eras world tour. The rest of us have been sentenced to Matty Healy’s engagement rollout. On Tuesday night, after Charli XCX’s Brooklyn show, Healy announced he was engaged to the model and musician Gabriette Bechtel. "MARRYING THE 1975 IS VERY BRAT," Bechtel captioned an image of her ring.
Devoted Hung Up readers will recall that I have nothing positive to say about Matty Healy, the 1975 frontman/Taylor Swift’s ex. Everything I have ever learned about the musician Matty Healy has simply been against my will. The tongue-kissing of fans onstage. The racist comment about Ice Spice. The Nazi salute he did onstage. The face that looks like a semi-colon. The way I just know you can smell him coming from a distance. I just know he is the type to burp and not say excuse me. I have never once seen an image where his shoulders are pulled back.
Will Tree Paine, Taylor Swift’s publicist and honestly this newslette’s main character, go turbo? Swift has already released more deluxe edition-reissue-bonus tracks-first draft voice memo versions of The Tortured Poets Department, her unfortunately-titled eleventh studio album. All of those re-releases1 are just another way to make money, and there’s speculation that many of them are to block new pop girls Sabrina Carpenter and Chappell Roan from charting higher. But how many of them will be in response to this relationship’s escalation. Matty Healy inspired much of that album’s music: wanting to get rid of Joe Alwyn for him, getting annoyed by him, getting over him, etc.
Healy and Bechtel have been together since September. That ring looks like one of the horcruxes Taylor Swift threatened to collect. Will they be married before the Eras tour ends in December? More importantly, where will their inevitable breakup fall in the Taylor-Travis engagement timeline?
Jennifer Afleck Anthem
The new Sabrina Carpenter single “Please Please Please” does nothing for me, but the video is either very fun and also cute, or it’s a little odd that she performs the act of singing so flat and breathlessly. The video co-stars her boyfriend, the actor Barry Keoghan.
“Heartbreak is one thing/My egos another/I beg you don’t embarrass me motherfucker” — I know Jennifer Affleck’s gospel when I hear it.2 Devoted Hung Up readers will recall our central J.Lo thesis: she refuses to be embarrassed. (Despite what the non-launch of her album, music video, and documentary, she can be embarrassed.) Diddy embarrassed her. Marc Anthony embarrassed her. That one backup dancer embarrassed her. A-Rod embarrassed her. Ben Affleck embarrassed her twenty years ago, and that’s what led to their original breakup. I wonder what Benny Medina3 will say led to this one?
Short Cuts
If a man posted this of me it would be my thirteen reason. What is this angle?? (ET)
Breaking my silence on the viral GQ essay about a writer obsessing her way into being friends with Tavi Gevinson to say: Tavi’s emails are so Conversations with Friends-coded. (Complimentary) (GQ)
To quote
in our texts about this: This video of Ariana Grande and Penn Badgley singing “Shut Up” is the closest we’ll get to a “Positions”4 world tour. (PopBase)I cannot wait to make time to see the restoration of Naked Acts, a 1997 movie just restored and re-released. This list from film historial and programmer Maya Cade is very special too: “How do we visualize unmet desires? Celebrate the textures of what hasn’t been seen on screen? Use cinema as a tool to contemplate the totality of queer lives? Those are the questions at the heart of these five films I’m listing below in celebration of Pride Month.” (Black Film Archive)
I don’t have anywhere to put this, but it’s been on my mind for quite some time: it is soooo funny-weird that Cowboy Carter has one of the best and one of the weakest Beyonce songs back to back. I have never particularly cared for “Levii’s Jeans,” but hearing that song after “II Most Wanted” … it didn’t have a fighting song! A better match on “Levii’s Jean” would’ve been Justin Timberlake btw. Hate to admit that, but it’s true!
is one of kindest and most generous editors I’ve ever worked with — and that’s not just because he assigned me profiles of Usher and Zendaya. I’m thrilled to read his new letter . In the comments of his first post, I dropped a recommendation for my favorite place to get massaged in New York … the place I tell absolutely no one about … the place Channing Tatum and I share. (Heavies)Don’t forget to watch “Lemme Say This”5 wherever you get your podcasts! Or right here:
That’s all this week. Thank you for reading! This weekend I’m playing the Charlixcx album Brat everywhere I go. Her dial-up music finally got me. Have a good weekend!
Upon the original release, Billboard counted “19 different physical configurations (nine CDs, six vinyl LPs and four cassettes, with four of the physical configurations exclusively sold by Target stores) and two digital download offerings (the standard 16-song album, and a surprise deluxe 31-song edition that was released two hours after the original album bowed).”
Are you surprised that the most J.Lo song is not on J.Lo’s album?
J.Lo’s current manager who defected to her from Mariah Carey’s team. And yes, that’s weird!
Positions is sooo important to Tembe, lmao. I think about this tweet all the time: https://x.com/tembae/status/1659892852137029636
And while we're here: It's the four-year anniversary of Chloe and Halle's album Ungodly Hour, which means I have spent four years begging Peyton to be Chloe and Halle with me for Halloween.
ive never seen someone with more svu villain sleaze. the world needs more matt healy hate and hung up always gives the people what we want. pulitzer incoming 🫡
“The way I just know you can smell him coming from a distance. I just know he is the type to burp and not say excuse me. I have never once seen an image where his shoulders are pulled back.” 🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️🤣🤣❤️🤣 I love this to death!!!!!