Kinda Need to Give You A Club Chalamet Update
My favorite character on the internet.
There are some characters on the internet who loom so large in my imagination. I’m talking about Hannah Bronfman, Romy Mars, those GMA people, the woman behind the Horny Beto tweet (I hope she’s well1). If they weren’t real, like if I haven’t been active in multiple group chats discussing them, I’d assume they were a collective delusion. Not a Twitter main character of the day, or that “what yall made about now” reply-bait. I mean people who are fascinating, stand-offish, influential, and occasionally even prolific. They are not just posters, they are givers. I am speaking, of course, about Club Chalamet.
The last time we spoke about Club Chalamet, it was to discuss her already extensive lore. She was a one-woman Wonka street team. She has been face-to-face with Timothée Chalamet and Pauline Chalamet (randomly at Coachella). She damn near went to war over the romance between Timmy and Kylie Jenner. She’d hosted a Twitter Spaces about it all that had nearly 200,000 listens. “On the one hand this is just a random lady,” I wrote at the time. “But on the other hand am I supposed to scroll past a woman demanding to know why Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet have not gone to Olive Garden since he loves Italian food??” Her mind works in astonishing ways.
I am happy to report that my personal Madame Web2, Club Chalamet, is back at it. You tried to say that Timmy snubbed her at a Beautiful Boy screening in 2018? She’s written a 2,737 word oral history of every interaction they’ve ever had, an analysis of
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