Hello from Hung Up HQ where today I got emotional thinking about how good “euphoria” was … it’s so good to see a man (Kendrick Lamar) with a good job (hating Drake) …
It was a normal night in Foxborough, Massachusetts — white people1 hooting and hollaring — on July 16 at Gillette Stadium. Coldplay performed onstage as part of the North American leg of their “Music of the Spheres World Tour.” As Coldplay frontman and Beyoncé second husband (it if cames to that) Chris Martin strummed his guiar and riffed on the night’s audience, cameras caught concert goers in the audience. “Oh look at these two,” Martin said, the camera pushing in on a heterosexual couple in an embrace. The woman turned around and fled out of the shot; the man death-dropped to the floor. “Uh oh,” Martin said onstage. “Either they're having an affair or they're just very shy … oh shit, I hope we didn’t do something bad.” The audience laughed.
It didn’t take long for the couple’s identities to be revealed: the man is reportedly the CEO of a data/analytics/software company. The woman is the company’s HR chief. By the time the clip went viral the morning after the concert, it appears that both people are married to different people. (A bogus statement attributed to the CEO and quoting the lyrics to Coldplay’s “Fix You” has also been circulating, per TMZ.) “The Board of Directors has initiated a formal investigation into this matter and we will have additional details to share very shortly,” the company’s account posted in a statement on Friday. I think it’s weird to make too many assumptions and also weird to circulate these people’s names! Real panopticon behavior. This drama should be tearing apart a c-suite and inspiring an HBO miniseries, not driving engagement for a LinkedIn influencer.
I will have the only normal response to the Coldplay couple, since you’re all perfect I guess: Have you ever considered what it feels like to once upon a time have ruled the world? Do you know what it felt like when seas would rise according to your word? And after all that in the morning you sleep alone? And someone hands you a broom and makes you sweep the very streets you used to own?
Right. So you’ve never heard Jerusalem bells a-ringin? And your Roman Cavalary choir was never singin? You never asked your sword and shield to be your mirror, for missionary in a foreign Feeld? For some reason you can’t explain, you never knew Saint Peter wouldn’t call your name? And right after you tell me what it was like when you ruled the world, I’d better hear some Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, ohs. So jot that down.
I don’t know! Sounds like a song about life after divorce to me.
What the paid list got this week
A well-deserved Emmy for Martin Scorsese, please!
The most shocking part of the Love Island USA season finale was Huda saying Nic is her “best guy friend” from the experience when we know he voted to get her dumped at every opportunity.
Re: the Love Island USA finale: Tembe and I chopped it up in a live
I think if you’re reading this far what’s stopping you from $5 a month to get access to it all?
And here’s this week’s episode of “Lemme Say This!”
More more more
Dare I darken your doorstep with all the details about Nicki Minaj fussing with SZA on Twitter? Here’s a really good, brief summary.2
X she-EO Linda Yaccarino stepped down after the company’s AI chatbot Grok posted racist and antisemitic statements. I think often of her Code 2023 interview … extraordinarily Selina Meyer visiting Clovis.
CBS will end Stephen Colbert’s late night show in 2026. (Vulture)
Oh, the local courts are sick of Emma Watson, who is apparently getting a master's degree in creative writing at the University of Oxford.3 Watson has been banned from driving for six months (lowkey my dream) after she was caught speeding in a Blue Audi, per the BBC. Watson had nine points on her license before that speeding incident, and was fined £1,044 (about $1400). “She is in a position to pay the fine,” her attorney said. (BBC)
The Daniel Kaluuya cult stuff is an opportunity to talk about something that has been irritating me for some time: why do people think that if an actor isn’t in a movie a year it means they can’t get any work? Assumptions really working overtime in an embarrassing way. (The Tab)
Divorce looks great on Jessica Alba.
I think it’s really important to say: Leg!
One day, we’ll get a viral TikTok of Timmy and Miss Club4 together, and it’ll be something along the lines of one of these. Prepare yourself! A lot of people will be upset by it, but not me. Her pen is mightier than any sword.
That’s all this week! Have a good weekend. It’s Leo season soon according to four separate people I spoke to today. Devoted Hung Up readers will recall that it’s always season to me 😌5
Go ahead and click that link 😇
If I had that accent in Little Women I’d go back to school too.
If you have read this far and have no idea who Club Chalamet is, let me introduce you:
Whitney Houston’s birthday, and coincidentally mine, is August 9th btw
Chris Martin knew damn well he was being messy with his comment too 😂
Fyi, last week when Coldplay had shows in Toronto, Chris Martin took an improv class with the famed Toronto Second City. So maybe they're to blame for this. #yesand